SONNET #10 - matched
 

MATCHED

I've made my share of fire, from clearing woods
and piling thirds of birches on as high
as flywheel swing and strength would make them fly,
to tenting twigs in mountain solitudes,
and found that every ending is the same:
when sparks no longer spiral into space,
cross-timbers cave to embers that replace
the flash of flame in close embrace with flame.

But two can build a fire that's long in flaring,
a blaze they start then never have to feed,
that swirls, indrawing draughts, and fans their need
to leave the cold and dark of lonely bearing
and make a bed no snow or night can smother,
then burn in it till one out-burns the other.

Today's entries are two love poems, both of which develop a single image for the whole 14 lines. I thought both were excellent, and that I couldn't do better than post them as a pair.

I think the sestet is very beautiful, but the octave feels a little ponderous to me. L2-L4 strike me as very awkward lines. I've built my share of fires too, but never has the act struck me as so convoluted (no offense intended). I think the overall theme is great, but the build to the wonderful sestet needs to be simplified a bit.

I'm also not a fan of the punning title. Normally a clever pun like that delights me, but in the context of this poem, I think it's a little out of place.

Lines 2,3, and 8 all strike me as clumsy, but I agree with Shaun that the sestet is gorgeous. If this were mine, Alan would cut it to six lines!

i agree with that. i don't understand 2-4 at all.

can somebody explain l.3 pls.

the last 6 lines should stand on their own imo. really good.

Some vibrant images of the outdoors and good use of extended metaphor. The title, though a clever pun, trivializes the poem.

I find there are too many "that"s (4, I believe), making the poem sound stilted in places.

And though I like the sentiment of two-heads-are-better-than-one (as far as fire-building/relationships are concerned), every ending is, indeed, "the same", as stated in L5.

Enjoyed, but needs some work.

pathway
 

It meanders a little, not providing a clear pathway to its ending, though it ends on a strong note. It could be made better with little work.

I agree the title isn't immediately appealing. But I don't find it alienating, and my feeling is it wins in time.

I don't agree with others that the sestet should/could stand alone. It's hard won by the effort of the octet. And thus the title refers also to this matching of the effort of the octet and the reward of the sestet. I like how they contrast with each other and yet are made for each other, i.e. matched.

Both octet and sestet have their own tone and mood and feel. So at L9 we have a real volte (for once). The octet has a masculine/macho/loner identity, and the sestet has a feminine/couple identity. In the sestet there is a beautifully understated love and sexual passion, and this gives extra resonance to the octet on a subsequent rereading. Matched again. And the "macho" identity of the octet is also "matched".

To those who says this needs some work, I beg to differ.

Catherine has three concrete points. To answer these:

1) The title isn't as trivial as first imatchined.

2) The four instances of "that" do not make the poem "sound stilted". One could just as well say it makes the poem hypnotising and fluid.

3) Yes, the two stanzas contradict each other with regard to "every ending is the same". There is a natural disagreement between the stanzas - the different perspectives afforded by solitude and companionship.

I can find no fault. And I also think it is a remarkably good sonnet. One that grows stronger on rereading. The 1st-person N presented initially subsequently recedes into the background, yet is present throughout. This is a N that has something to tell us, one that is actually involved in the actions that are described, not a mere observer.

To Dave - I would guess that "flywheeling" is an overarm action wherby one hurls a stick/branch high up in the air.

This is my favourite so far.

Duncan

I too felt that the octave was less compelling than the sestet. All of the details of fire-building seemed a convoluted way of stating the obvious about the way fires normally progress. I was a bit restless in that section, but did like the images of the sestet. I think a comma in L10 after "start" would help to avoid confusion. The touch of sadness in the last line adds poignancy to what otherwise could seem sentimental (the common danger of love poems).

Susan

strength
 

I think that the slight imperfection of this piece may be its ultimate strength. Love is uncertain and that uncertainty is the point where we pause in the reading. One of my favorites for that reason alone.