Intriguing, and I can see where the approach can be a hell of a teaching tool, or just a discussion tool. I can even see competitions - on Drills & Amusements, perhaps, or The Discerning Eye - to see who can more creatively flatten a good poem. Go to it, Lance - Kipling might offer some juicy opportunities.
I agree with others that the deconstructed poem in this instance is still not bad - better than the first and second examples. And I also agree that Hodge has a very different connotation than Vaughn. Hodge is a lump of a lad, Anglo Saxon right down to his thick toe nails; and Vaughn is taller, slimmer and far more refined. Possibly Norman blood. Everybody knows that. (I just bounced it off First Reader, and not only doesn't she know it, but she thinks I'm strange. Oh well.)
I particularly like what was done with "kopje-crest" in both the original and the rewrite, because the introduction of foreign words - with just enough context to make them work, and provide spice and imagery - is something I often attempt. Hardy did it well, and the deconstruction demonstrates just how effectively the language works.
Last edited by Michael Cantor; 01-11-2012 at 04:43 PM.
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