Thanks, Jim. I like how this pushes you to look at your spring.
Thanks, A. (I apologize for forgetting your first name) I will look at the things you mentioned. I guess you don't think of this as old-fashioned but it is as regards the poems I usually write. That is what I measured it against.
As regards the "clunky meter" there is no meter. None intentioned anyway. It is accentual. I worked on counting the beats with no regard for syllable count. That makes it "clunky" by design.
Thanks again for your suggestions. I'm sure I will apply them.
John
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