Here is an alternate version in first person. Any improvement?
Still Life with Flowers
Good principals begin their days at six.
I parked my car beside graffitied bricks.
Huddled in the darkness of the hall
some students and a woman tried to affix
a massive plaque of flowers to the wall
below a banner. The woman, brown and tall,
gave a curt greeting, clearly in command.
I warily returned a nod to all.
I told them I was sure they’d understand,
but floral tributes had been strictly banned.
I didn’t mention, though I had been told,
the girl had met her death by her own hand.
I told them not to worry. I would hold
the flowers in my office. Red and gold—
school colors. I’d be sure to give them water.
The woman (was she the mother?), loud and cold,
asked me, “Do you have a school-age daughter?
If so, what do you hope her school has taught her?
Your students come to you like lambs to the slaughter.
My girl—just look where you and your school have brought her.”
Original version:
Still Life with Flowers
The principal began his day at six.
He parked his car beside graffitied bricks.
Together in the darkness of the hall
some students huddled, trying to affix
a massive plaque of flowers to the wall
below a banner. A woman, brown and tall,
gave a curt greeting, clearly in command.
The principal returned a nod to all.
He told them he was sure they’d understand,
but floral tributes had been strictly banned.
He didn’t mention, but he had been told,
the girl had met her death by her own hand.
He told them not to worry, he would hold
the flowers in his office. Red and gold,
school colors, he’d be sure to give them water.
The woman (was she the mother?), unconsoled,
asked him, “Do you have a school-age daughter?
If so, what do you hope her school has taught her?
These students come to you like lambs to the slaughter.
My girl—just look where you and your school have brought her.”
——————————-
Edits:
L3: He saw in joyless darkness in the hall > Together in the darkness of the hall
L4: some students, huddled, trying to affix > some students huddled, trying to affix
L16: The woman (was she the mother?) unconsoled, > The woman (was she the mother?), unconsoled,
L19: Are you afraid she’ll think about self-slaughter? > These students come as lambs come to the slaughter. > These students come to you like lambs to the slaughter.