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Unread 04-21-2024, 06:35 AM
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Alexandra Baez Alexandra Baez is offline
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Alexandria, VA, USA
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I like the interesting use of “virtue” as a verb. You’re using “pain” in a novel way, too, it seems—meaning “to feel pain” rather than “to impose pain.”

I found the repetitions in the last two lines of each stanza to be a bit much—it’s unpleasant enough to read those two phrases once! But it seems that onerous repetition of these references to self-imposed misery is the whole point, as it mirrors the onerous repetition of self-imposed miseries--so perhaps I should just accept this feature.

You might be able to come up with a more evocative way to express what’s in S2 Ls 2 and 3. Interesting symbolism in “hollow chains,” though—nice subtle way to convey manufactured pain. You’re similarly effectively elliptical in S3.
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