[R. S. Gwynn]

lilting sun or wan, enshrouded lisps

I like the general drift of the poem and how it ends, but I worry about the diction. If we work in form we have to beware the past. Now I love Elinor Wylie and hope everyone does, but a lilting sun is a PF, and a lisping corpse is just bizarre. It's just a bit too "poetic" for me. I want to like the ending, but dilapidated (a verbal without a verb) may be too strong. Wouldn't such a frame be incapable of holding glass?