I think the opening should be physically designed thus.
We've talked about this earlier. Wind, please stop
your whispering: They lived here once, they lived
here once.
I think the poem does not live up to those lines. The serial colons in the lines that follow are a huge distraction to my eye. These lines are stiffly expository:
they were the young, the old
who refused to quit life fully, satisfied
with lesser vestiges:
And the turn seems to be replaced by no more than an uncomfortable enjambment.
Nemo
|