The rhythms of your proposed lines in Elsewhere don't work, but your quatrain does, although I'd probably say "heaven-bound." Let me add an observation that there's a difference between writing loose iambics, where the numbers of stresses and syllables vary (Alicia is a good exemplar) and true accentual, where the stresses are fixed. A great example is Tennyson's "Break, break, break/ On thy cold grey stones, oh sea." Where both lines are three beat trimeters. There is a superb essay in the archives of Discerning Eye by OUR David Mason on this poem. It is from his book The Poetry of Life and the Life of Poetry (Story Line Press.)
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