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Unread 05-01-2012, 09:01 AM
Catherine Chandler's Avatar
Catherine Chandler Catherine Chandler is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2004
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A fine extended metaphor and lovely tribute to N's lover/spouse. A little on the sweet side, though, and I'm not sure I agree with the statement in L14. The simile in L2 also gave me pause. Is N somehow "intent on leaving"? I don't think so, but it does come across as somewhat questionable.

I think there's lots of room for improvement. For example, the bland statement "buoyant movements" -- why not a specific example?

The alliterative sounds in L10 (which I find a tad OTT) belie the solidity of the floorboards.

I also believe that ballerinas' joints and tendons hurt anyway, despite the flexibility of the boards, so the statement isn't quite honest.

Still, I admire the sonnet very much.

Last edited by Catherine Chandler; 05-01-2012 at 10:08 AM. Reason: typo
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