[Glenn Wright]

Thanks, Carl. Your comments helped me to rethink my intent and try to clarify it. This poem is based on my admittedly fragmentary recollection of two or three military funerals I have attended, including my father’s. The specific events are probably not in the correct order.

In S2, I wanted to divide the mourners into two groups: a larger group of those who check any public display of emotion and a much smaller group who break down in tears. I got to wondering which group were really the disbelievers. Were the stoics in shock or denial, did they have better self-control, did they not know the deceased very well, or had they simply made peace with death? Were the weepers shocked out of their faith, or were they the ones who believed in a God to whom they could complain? The purpose of this dichotomy was to invite the reader to put the speaker in one category or the other. I wanted the “black barrier” in S3L6 to represent both the barrier between the dead and the living and the obstacle to the speaker’s faith, which will not allow him to offer up his grief.

My first draft of this poem was written in two stanzas—the first ending with “disbelief” to rhyme with the last word, “grief.” I moved some things around and decided to make three stanzas of seven lines each to represent the 21-rifle salute. I’m thinking that this might have been a mistake. The two-stanza structure better highlighted the contrast between public and private grief. That’s one of the reasons for my preference for formal verse. Those kinds of difficult decisions are made for you.

I was somewhat seduced by the /w/ alliteration of “wildly weep.” It almost imitates the sound of sobbing, but I see your point that it is too melodramatic. Let me try a couple of adjustments to clarify the scene and tone down the organ music.