I wonder about the need for some of the anapests. Nothing is lost by dropping the article in the second line, and it seems to me that the poem could be metrically tightened in other spots too. To my ear, "loose iambics" don't mesh that well with heavy enjambments. Another personal quibble is with the enjambment between lines 3 and 4. I have a personal dislike of enjambments that hit a caesura one or two syllables into the next line. I don't see the need for the period after "chill" and would prefer no punctuation there at all.
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