Eratosphere Forums - Metrical Poetry, Free Verse, Fiction, Art, Critique, Discussions Able Muse - a review of poetry, prose and art

Forum Left Top

Notices

Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Unread 05-12-2014, 04:57 PM
Gail White's Avatar
Gail White Gail White is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Breaux Bridge, LA, USA
Posts: 3,487
Default

I'm wondering if this very fine sonnet isn't by Catherine Chandler. I also have a guess as to who's writing the commentary, but I'm not going to stick my neck out.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Unread 05-12-2014, 05:07 PM
Elise Hempel Elise Hempel is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Charleston, IL
Posts: 503
Default

No criticisms here. Just wondering if anyone felt the need to know the name of the second twin (the iamb), since the first twin, Ann, is named in the poem. Would that enhance the poem, or ... maybe it doesn't matter? (Of course, that would also partially identify the writer of this poem!)
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Unread 05-12-2014, 05:14 PM
Maryann Corbett's Avatar
Maryann Corbett Maryann Corbett is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 9,656
Default

Clear, well paced, psychologically believable, and on a theme that hasn't been done to death. Uses quirky rhyming to advantage. My favorite so far.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Unread 05-12-2014, 05:57 PM
Marta Finch Marta Finch is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Bennington, Vermont
Posts: 15
Default

Well, it’s an interesting collection so far, and I have no favorite yet.

Has everyone accepted the “missed” of L2 and “dismissed” of L6 as rhymes?

If “I” is the weaker part of “Iamb”—supposedly the meter and not the actual word—then is “Ann” the “amb” part? And why not a trochee? (Though admittedly there is only one in the poem as it is written—unless it be an anapest, as Wells believes.)

And how is the second beat [of an iamb] still waiting to be found?
I’m not sure it works on both levels.

I did sorta like the "the eyes of ultrasound," once I figured it out, but the single ear is not so successful, since the doc does still use both ears to hear through it

Marta
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Unread 05-12-2014, 06:10 PM
Elise Hempel Elise Hempel is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Charleston, IL
Posts: 503
Default

Marta --

Here's how I'm reading the poem --

There are twins, and we know one twin is named Ann. The name of the other twin, the second one to be born, the speaker in the poem, is an "iamb" -- two syllables, with the accent on the second syllable. (That's why I asked earlier whether anyone felt the need for the second twin to also be named.) The beat of a heart is also an iamb.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Unread 05-12-2014, 06:35 PM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 16,476
Default

Well, if Gail is guessing the poet by name, I'll join in. My guess is Julie Stoner, though I don't recall her using this many slant rhymes before.

I'm not sure I'd say the poem is about the "darker side of twinship," as DG puts it, since presumably Ann's sonnet on the same gestation would have a completely different slant (assuming Ann doesn't entirely dispute the shadow she casts on her sister).

I still have no nits, but if I struggle to come up with a nit, no matter how nerdy, it's this: If the weaker heartbeat is "trailing" the stronger, we're dealing with a trochee, not an iamb. It's interesting to wonder how the poem would be affected if there were no prosodic references in the title (as there are none clearly stated in the body of the poem). I still think the title should stay, but I'm not sure it's utterly essential. Perhaps it's too much poet inside-baseball, and I'm wondering a bit if readers who don't know what an iamb is might be unduly confused.

But no. I think the poem is perfect as is.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Unread 05-12-2014, 07:17 PM
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: San Diego, CA, USA
Posts: 8,307
Default

Spot on, Roger! I absolutely admit to having written this! For every possible minute that I can get away with it. When are the authors unmasked?

I'm going to be really disappointed if I find out that her name isn't Uma, which was my best guess at puzzling out lines 11 and 12.

Then again, first-person narratives aren't always autobiographical, so I can imagine it's "Uma" to my heart's content.

[Edited to say--Or maybe Emma?]

[Never mind. Then the poem might be titled "The Trochee".]

[Actually, the stronger beat does come first, as described in the poem, in a trochee, not an iamb...but I'm probably being overliteral. Again.]

Last edited by Julie Steiner; 05-12-2014 at 07:42 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Unread 05-12-2014, 07:34 PM
Eileen Cleary's Avatar
Eileen Cleary Eileen Cleary is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 697
Blog Entries: 1
Default

Ah, this sonnet... One thing I can say is that the iamb was poignant to me on many levels. The phrase is rife with meaning, starting with the basic idea of being the faint beat behind the stronger one (*waiting behind the stressed one) and moving toward the hope of being able to stand up and say, “I am.” I think of I am that I am as a holy way of not only thinking about God but also the sanctity of life-not only the strong, but love and care for the weak. Giving voice to the voiceless. The eternal I am is indicated too, when it has no beginning or end. I don’t consider this poem religious; but the idea of lasting importance and strength being found in seemingly fragile individuals is present. Lovely.

Last edited by Eileen Cleary; 05-12-2014 at 11:02 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Unread 05-13-2014, 12:25 AM
ross hamilton hill ross hamilton hill is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 2,238
Default

This is so very, very good, the musicality of the sextet is sublime, I like 'still before' as it suggest 'still born' this is enormously clever and enchanting. Full of a deep meaning I for one need.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Unread 05-13-2014, 01:24 AM
Ann Drysdale's Avatar
Ann Drysdale Ann Drysdale is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Old South Wales (UK)
Posts: 6,667
Default

In order to satisfy the blood rhythm of the sonnet and the logic of the title, the second twin's name must begin with B. Otherwise there's no point in naming the other one. Is there, O clever and musical poet? (A poet who is clearly clever enough to be imagining this situation entirely, anyway.)

Is it not a little too soon to be guessing identities and naming names?

Last edited by Ann Drysdale; 05-13-2014 at 04:10 AM. Reason: tentative query.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Forum Right Top
Forum Left Bottom Forum Right Bottom
 
Right Left
Member Login
Forgot password?
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 8,399
Total Threads: 21,840
Total Posts: 270,804
There are 2043 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Sponsor:
Donate & Support Able Muse / Eratosphere
Forum LeftForum Right
Right Right
Right Bottom Left Right Bottom Right

Hosted by ApplauZ Online