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Old 06-20-2017, 04:37 PM
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Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
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Matt,
thank you! I will gratefully accept your version--it solves all the problems that I had.

Martin
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  #12  
Old 07-16-2017, 06:05 PM
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AZ Foreman AZ Foreman is offline
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I find the final version an enjoyable read. I thought I'd point out only this: given the context of connubial bliss, I promise you that the other meaning of "cock" will occur to readers. If it occurred to me, it will occur to at least some others. That may or may not be a good thing depending on how you want this to sound. I for one actually like that sort of thing.
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Old 07-16-2017, 06:13 PM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is offline
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The final version works for me.

I wouldn't worry about Alex's concern. While it's a bit weird sometimes reading Mother Goose to children and having to say "cock" so often, that's life. The word has more than one meaning. It shouldn't stop us from asking who killed Cock Robin.
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Old 07-16-2017, 06:43 PM
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Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
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Alex,
thank you for reading and for your favorable impression--given the previous line, I don't think that the double-entendre of sorts is inappropriate.

Roger/Bob,
thank you as well; I am happy with or without the association. I'm glad that the final version works for you--you helped get it there.

Thanks again to both of you!

Martin
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  #15  
Old 07-16-2017, 08:54 PM
Kyle Norwood Kyle Norwood is offline
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I like Matt's changes. "Cocks crow glory" doesn't particularly bother me, though--I thought of the glory of sunrise, with a suggested consonance to the glory of love. That seemed sufficient.
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  #16  
Old 07-16-2017, 11:11 PM
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Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
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Kyle,
thank you for coming back Yes, I feel the line works in both ways.

Martin
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