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Old 07-21-2017, 01:43 PM
John Riley John Riley is offline
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Location: North Carolina
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Thanks Matt and Matthew and David. You have given me good stuff to consider on revision before submitting. I'm in the middle of some different work at the moment and always like to let good suggestions settle a bit before applying them.

Matt, you are generous and helpful when you dig into a poem. Your suggestions are the result of you taking time and making the effort to provide your insights. I appreciate what you do. I don't try to write poems that are puzzles. A puzzle is a top-level mystery usually. Sometimes it can open up to new mysteries, sometimes not. It's tough to make work, easily as tough as counting beats. It's what I'm not sure this poem pulls off and your notes provide me some insight on how to approach revision.

Matthew, nice to make your acquaintance. In my mind and ear using turn twice in the same line feels like a turn. It's the sort of repetition I like although I see the argument against. Thanks for pointing it out and your other notes.

David, thanks for the nice comments. That damn "size." I'll rethink it. I'm wondering if it's a little anachronistic inside this poem. Anything I can say about the comment I probably shouldn't have made will only sound more defensive. Maybe I was petulant.

Thanks again to each of you for your help.

John
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