[basil ransome-davies]

Yes, a true maven.

[Ann Drysdale]

Not so much a maven as a fule that no.

[John Whitworth]

No fule like an old fule. Not you, Athene, of course.

[Douglas G. Brown]

(Boycotting) The Wrong Kind of Apple

It started in the misty days of yore
When I'd boot up my trusty Commodore;
What manner of a godforsaken sap'll
Refuse to purchase gadgets made by Apple?

I moved on to a Microsoft computer;
No gaucherie of mine was absoluter.
No matter what my cybernetic wants be,
The ghost of Steve Jobs never ever haunts me.

The money I have saved eschewing Apple
Presents me with no existential grapple;
Instead of iPhones, I can savor noshes
Of Fujis, Gravensteins, and McIntoshes.

If someday, Apple should get into trouble
And go the way of Bernie Madoff's bubble;
I'll shed no tears, but celebrate a wider
Experience with well-fermented cider.

[Adrian Fry]

Superb, Douglas; made me laugh aloud and must win if there is any justice.

[Rob Stuart]

The wrong kind of apple flew sideways,
And splattered all over the wall.
‘That’s not what I wanted,’ said Newton.
‘That’s not what I wanted at all.’

The wrong kind of apple went floating
Above where the physicist sat.
He muttered in further displeasure
‘And nor was I hoping for that.’

The wrong kind of apple shot backwards
In time to a time well before
The tree had been planted. Said Isaac
‘I’m starting to find this a bore.’

The right kind of apple dropped on him
Just as he was giving up hope.
His patience was nearly exhausted,
And also he'd smoked all his dope.

[Julie Steiner]

Appeal? An apple does have some--
Voilà, voilà le jus de pomme.
Earth-apples, though, have more to spare.
Voilà le jus de pomme de terre.

Esprit de core may make me hum--
Voilà, voilà le jus de pomme--
But spud juice makes me sing, I swear.
Voilà le jus de pomme de terre.

With cider, every chap's my chum.
Voilà, voilà le jus de pomme.
With vodka, every chap's my frère.
Voilà le jus de pomme de terre.

When tippling apples tempts, I come.
Voilà, voilà le jus de pomme.
Potatoes? I'm already there!
Voilà le jus de pomme de terre!


S4L1 was: So...apples? Sure, I'll tipple some.

[Nigel Mace]

Brilliant, Julie - but way too classy for "The Oldie".

[John Whitworth]

I won somewhere with a franglais entry about cricket.

[Julie Steiner]

Thanks. Gotta fix using "some" twice, though--I changed a "become" and didn't notice until I posted it here. There's no proofreader like the "Send" key, is there? [Okay, tweaked now. Please tell me I can use "come" innocently.]

There's also the small matter of hardly any vodka being made with potatoes, but....