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  #1  
Unread 04-26-2017, 06:39 AM
Claudia Gary's Avatar
Claudia Gary Claudia Gary is offline
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Default Shall I Scream? (Sonnet author proofs dilemma)

I've just received proofs of an anthology of poems about Ice Cream, in which one of my poems, a sonnet, is scheduled to appear.

This SHOULD be exciting and happy news.

But apparently my poem has been chopped inexplicably in two places, in a way that shows total ignorance or indifference to the sonnet form. One line is broken in half, even though the two halves could easily fit across one line. Two other lines are enjambed in a way that differs from the original and ignores the rhyme and meter.

So I set out to write a letter to the individual who had sent the proof. This proved to be more of a task than I realized: What to say? How to express the need to see a second proof before accepting the results (especially given the above observations about the typesetter)? How to convince the editor and typesetter of the need for this without alienating them and inspiring their hatred?

This task brought to mind a conversation I had more than 20 years ago with Felix Stefanile, editor of Sparrow: The Yearbook of the Sonnet -- may he rest in peace with the likes of Petrarca. At the time, I was embarking on a project to look up different musical settings, composed over a period of several centuries, of a single sonnet by Petrarca. Felix told me there was a traditional belief that the spirit of Petrarch watches over anyone who studies his work. I laughed that off at the time, but some things did happen during the project (including at the Library of Congress) that gave me pause. In any case, I do take such things a little more seriously than I did before that experience.

So, even though the sonnet in question is one of Shakespearean form, the task at hand caused these two spirits -- Petrarca and Stefanile -- to come to mind as I drafted a note. But I'm not sure their presence was sufficiently calming. If any of you might be willing to look at this and tell me if it's over the top, by all means please do scrape me off the ceiling before I send this to the editor. I'd appreciate that.

By the way, if anyone else here has a poem in the same anthology and finds similar problems, it would be especially helpful to coordinate responses, or at least to keep in touch as to whether the editor is making corrections accurately.

Thanks! (Below is the draft of my letter.)
---

Dear....

Thank you for sending the proof. I'm excited to know that this anthology will be out soon.

Unfortunately, my poem appears to have been typeset by someone who either did not understand that it is a sonnet or else was not familiar with the sonnet form. Thus the page contains inappropriate line breaks that fail to preserve its identity as a sonnet. Line length limitations cannot account for any of the changes that have been made.

Typically when a line break is added to a sonnet (or any other formal poem) for reasons of line length only, only a few words are carried over and the extra line is slightly indented from the left margin. But this was not done. Instead, one line was arbitrarily divided in half, and two other lines were broken in a place other than where they're meant to be broken.

Before I send you corrections, I need to know that you will be sending me a corrected proof, and that I will have another opportunity to acknowledge whether or not the corrected version is actually correct--i.e., that it clearly represents this poem in its correct sonnet form -- before this can be approved. I also need to know that if it is not appropriately corrected the first time, I will have further opportunities to correct the correction, until we can mutually agree upon it.

I am not asking for any special consideration for me or my poem. Rather, I am asking that you show respect to the sonnet form, which was developed centuries ago by Petrarch and Shakespeare, and which would have disappeared long before you and I were ever born if not for the fact that typesetters through the centuries have invested the small but precise efforts that I have described above.

Sincerely....
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Unread 04-26-2017, 08:16 AM
Aaron Novick Aaron Novick is offline
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Were I the one sending the letter, I would probably skip the lecture about the sonnet form and the normal conventions of type-setting, etc., which is the sort of thing likely to result in alienation/ill will. I'd just say, directly, that the form in which the poem appears in the proofs does not respect the integrity of the poem, and then send them instructions for resetting it ("if a line break must be added to fit the poem on the page, ..."). I'd also send an example so they can see what you expect it to look like. And then ask to see a second set of proofs.

I don't know whether that's "correct" or "best" or whatever. But it's how I'd go about it, in a similar situation.
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Unread 04-26-2017, 08:36 AM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is online now
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I agree with Aaron about skipping the lecture. I'd go with something more like: "The poem is a sonnet, of course, and as you know, sonnets must have exactly fourteen lines and each line must end with a rhyme word. The way you have broken up the lines in my sonnet does not abide by this rule, and I think it makes the poem read badly. I would therefore ask you to restore the line breaks as I wrote them. I would also be very grateful if you could send me new proofs after you have done so since I want to make sure that everything is perfect in this wonderful anthology."
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Unread 04-26-2017, 08:46 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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I like Roger's draft letter.
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Unread 04-26-2017, 09:20 AM
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Claudia Gary Claudia Gary is offline
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Dear Aaron, Roger, and John:

Thank you for helping me to cool down.

Unfortunately the very specific, icky-picky guidelines these people for corrections only cover one line at a time. This is why I thought "asking for permission to speak out of order" might be necessary. It also had something to do with aggravating my frustration at seeing the way the poem is arranged.

Roger, "as you know" is a magnificent phrase (even if it's usually insincere as hell). I will try to keep this ointment on hand and apply as needed.

Yes, I do know that this is a storm in a teacup....

Thanks!
Claudia
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Unread 04-26-2017, 09:24 AM
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Maryann Corbett Maryann Corbett is offline
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Claudia, I've had this problem more than once. My case was even more bothersome because wording changes were being suggested.

The first time it happened, I gave the sonnet lecture. I've since had second thoughts. At this stage, the person you're communicating with is likely to be a harried production editor. He or she needs to know, up front and clear, exactly how the proof needs to be changed: close up this interline space, etc. Refer the person to the copy you sent, if possible.

The short form of the sonnet lecture could come after the clear instructions.

My two unfortunately experienced cents. Good luck!
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Unread 04-26-2017, 09:30 AM
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Catherine Chandler Catherine Chandler is offline
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Too wordy. I agree -- no lecture (although I, too, would be sorely tempted to include it!). Roger's suggestion is a good one.
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Unread 04-26-2017, 09:32 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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Best of luck, Claudia!

It might be nice to trade stories a bit? Here's mine: I once had a piece in iambic pentameter published as prose. Every one of my line breaks was evidently considered decoration.
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Unread 04-26-2017, 11:21 AM
Simon Hunt Simon Hunt is offline
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Just adding a note of solidarity... I had a sonnet published in a mag (knew I was in trouble when the acceptance letter praised my work for not being "annoying" like most rhyme...) that butchered the form. I got it fixed on the web, but the print version is so ugly that I literally haven't been able to open the mag after my first look two years ago... Good luck getting yours right in time!
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Unread 04-26-2017, 11:57 AM
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RCL RCL is offline
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I like Roger's approach best.

A well-known (and well-hated in these parts) poet/guest editor nit-picked my liberal-tilted sonnet and then it appeared a mess in an otherwise wonderful journal. Another editor changed a line and said she didn’t recall doing so! And another destroyed a clear-cut form of a free verse poem by rolling half of a stanza over to the next page distorted. And another who had accepted several for a very prestigious journal, screamed at my temerity to think he would publish those poems when I wrote and enthusiastically told him how grateful I was that he had accepted them after my many revisions based on his editing. I’m still in shock after that one. I can’t go on. I must go on. I can’t. I must
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