2014 TBO 1E--Anonymous bookworm

Julie Steiner · #1 10-01-2014, 03:10 PM

The author of this poem has elected to submit it for publication, and so it is being temporarily withdrawn. After the requirements of the other venue are met, I will repost it here. Meanwhile, if anyone wants to see it, PM me and I'll send you a copy.

Julie Steiner · #2 10-01-2014, 03:34 PM

NOTES ON THE POEM CHOICE:

The translator has included a link above to a very informative and enjoyable site, whose commentary on this poem I won't duplicate here. It's well worth checking out!

I wonder if there were originally two answers to this riddle--one a literal, universal bookworm, and the other a metaphorical, individual bookworm. ("Pfft! That's Godric! All that study, and no whit wiser!")

NOTES ON THE TRANSLATION:

The pun of "moth" and "myth" in the verse translation is magical, and I immediately share the narrator's sense of wonder. That wordplay also captures some of the flavor of the "word'/wyrd/wyrm" series in the original.

Despite Roger's assurances of the broader meaning of "bug" in the "Insect-themed poems NOT in translation" thread, I do miss the worm idea. For that reason, I think I'd prefer something like "worm"/"wordsmith" to "bug"/"bard" in L3. But I can live with "bug"/"bard."

I like "of a poem's power," even though this seems quite a departure from the praise of lore as "the foundation of the strong". Then again, as both a poet and a weakling, I may be a wee bit biased.

Two more quibbles, both small: First, I'd like a "had" before "chewed," to make that phrase more parallel with "had swallowed." Second, I'd like to see L2 end with a full stop, so that "Pilfering guest" doesn't immediately follow a sentence beginning "A marvel, I thought." Currently, I find myself wishing there were a "But" or "Yet" or something punctuational before "Pilfering guest," to contrast the narrator's early wonder and later contempt, but making "a cheat in darkness / chewed on the glory / of a poem's power" a stand-alone sentence would solve that for me.

Ann Drysdale · #3 10-02-2014, 02:48 AM

Gobsmacked I sit. Thiefguest would I be
of this well-wrought wordthing - too precious for taking.

This is, for me, a perfect distillation of scholarship and poetic skill. The extra layer of hinted human metaphor makes my happy grin broader, because it is no more and no less than the original gives me. "This" I told myself as I read it "is Translation".

But then I have the Exeter Book (in Kevin Crossley-Holland's less scholarly version) at my elbow, alongside Catullus and Helen Waddell. This does point out (to me) the difference between reading a translation from a language with which one is familiar and one whose original language is "foreign". RPFL is a thing apart, like TEFL.

Therefore I am going to have to apply two slightly differing sets of criteria for my judgements; in some cases that of the translation will be overshadowed by appreciation of the poem. But this one scores bigtime on both sides of the caesura.

Adam Elgar · #4 10-02-2014, 08:47 AM

Impossible to fault. And why would anyone want to? What Ann said. (And her crit's as good as the poem!)

Mary McLean · #5 10-02-2014, 01:31 PM

A gem. I've been pondering for ages trying to find something to criticize, and can only say I might have punctuated it differently. I think the single dash in the original works better where it is, and parentheses would be more appropriate with the exclamation point (or commas without it). And a period at the end of L3 would perhaps remove the need Julie feels for a second 'had'.

Susan McLean · #6 10-02-2014, 01:41 PM

Okay, there had to be someone with quibbles, so I guess it's me. Much as I like the wordplay of "moth/myth" for its sounds, it is a stretch to go from "words" to "myth." Something like "meaning" would be closer while preserving the alliteration. I like Julie's suggestion of "worm/wordsmith" for L3, too, maybe even "a wordsmith's work." On the whole, though, it is an excellent and sensitive rendering of the Anglo-Saxon.

Susan

Seree Zohar · #7 10-02-2014, 03:19 PM

Truth is, if I saw 'myth' in a book of translations, I'd never have been wiser that it's a smart swap for 'words', since what would those words have been but, most likely, tales and myths. So at the stickler level, yeah, why there might be opposition is clear; but at the enjoyment level, no nits here at all.

Martin Rocek · #8 10-02-2014, 08:20 PM

I have to join in the praise. Just a pleasure! Myth for words is a stretch, but an inspired one.

Marion Shore · #9 10-03-2014, 10:43 AM

Hwaet! This is delightful! The translator has succeeded admirably in capturing the pithiness, the wit, to say nothing of the sound, of this charming little piece.

No nits. Well done!

Orwn Acra · #10 10-03-2014, 03:38 PM

As a poem, this is pleasurable and imaginative. As a translation, it makes me question some of the translator's choices. For instance, I am not quite sure why "word" pupates to "myth" or how a moth could eat a myth in the same concrete way it could eat a word on a page. The metaphor has been netted only to then escape. Also, I do not associate myths with bards' songs, though this is less of a problem. I am not keen on "pilfering guest" as the more literal "thiefguest" (one word!) seems better, but not sonically or alliteratively, I'll admit.