[Susan McLean]

Like Brian, I have mixed feelings about this one. The rhythms and syntax are mainly pleasing (I agree that the inversion in the final line is not desirable). I like the image of a sea in a sack, but the "stretched and prickled skin" had me puzzled. And I agree with others that the insight that we all revert to atoms is not exactly fresh news.

Susan

[ross hamilton hill]

Nicely crafted, tired theme.

[RCrawford]

Though the typo was in the original, I made the obvious change to L4.

[Martin Elster]

Originally Posted by Catherine Chandler

I also take exception to the preponderance of water references. Our total body mass may be 95% water but the water is contained in a body made primarily of carbon.

Actually, the average human body is 50-65% water.

[Toni Seger]

I could quibble with this or that, but my overall feeling was enjoyment. The poet's considerable effort drew me in and held me. This is a real sonnet and I appreciate that.

[Mary Meriam]

I'm not sure why atoms are hungry or what bells have to do with it. I hear the sonnet voice - slightly pedantic, too many abstractions, with absolutely no discovery, leaps, thrills, pleasure, energy in the language. Any subject can be made fresh, like this:

T.S. Eliot: “What I call the auditory imagination is the feeling for syllable and rhythm, penetrating far below the conscious levels of thought and feeling, invigorating every word; sinking to the most primitive and forgotten, returning to the origin and bringing something back, seeking the beginning and the end. It works through meanings certainly, or not without meanings in the ordinary sense and fuses the old and obliterated and the trite, the current and the new and surprising, the most ancient and the most civilized mentality.”

[Catherine McDonald]

I didn't get the significance of the title either, except that it rhymed with "cells." It's a commendable attempt to try to tie a little science to the transitory nature of existence, but it doesn't really leave any lasting impression with me. Atoms, molecules, spirits, bones, and evolution are a lot of things to be taking on, not that they haven't been. But, I guess I'll have to join the chorus here of "It's all been done." The Tempest Act 4, scene 1, 148–158 for example. You say "...spun from air"? Indeed. "We are such stuff..."

[Paddy Raghunathan]

I am reading Richard Wilbur's collected poems, and everything seems cold in comparison.

To me, it is the final couplet that gave the sonnet a lift.

Cheers,

Paddy

[Siham Karami]

For me, this was way too predictable. Not a huge fan of this one.

[Janice D. Soderling]

Bells tolling a funeral, perhaps, or Vesper bells signaling the end of another day? I think perhaps the former. but "the curfew tolls the knell of parting day" also.

Tell me, friends, what hasn't been done countless time? We stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us. No theme is so "tired" that we should refrain from writing about it. Love, death and God.

And sonnets are an excellent vehicle for all of them.