[Eileen Cleary]

I think the combination of the philosophical and stark reality play off each other beautifully here. I like this poem quite a bit.

[Martin Rocek]

This is very strong and moving, and full of little masterful touches that could easily have gone wrong. Look at all the standard phrases that are subtly subverted in the line
"A misspent youth who’d learned by cutting class".

Definitely a favorite.

[Susan McLean]

I like this one very much. I wouldn't call it dated, but timeless. The dragon's teeth are the one thing that I think many contemporary sonneteers would stay away from, mainly because they know that that sort of cultural/mythic reference won't reach many young readers anymore. But it is exactly that kind of many-leveled allusion that adds depth and resonance to the poem.

Susan

[Toni Seger]

I felt the sincerity of this sonnet and appreciated it. I never think about whether something sounds old or new, only if it works and this mostly works. Its descriptions are vivid and engaging. I think it needs a little more work, but the time would be well spent.

[Siham Karami]

I like this, but will comment later. Posted a comment thinking it was another thread...

[Charlie Southerland]

I think the title could be way better than the one presented. It is so generic. I suppose that was the intent but birthdays and death-days are so totally opposite. It's well written but says little new. Paupers, prophecies, and princes, oh my. It seems filled with platitudes for the cause de jour. I see little originality as a whole. It is so impersonal, detached really. Commentary poems are hard enough to do. This one does not rise above the cause.

[Jennifer Gordon]

While of course we might argue for the beauty of that trochaic beginning in drawing the reader's attention to the spot in question, I can't help faulting it and wishing to restore this Shakespearean whose casual disregard for the specs is classic as per its father.

It does not flow but roughly, seeming thereby almost to have been an idea forced into this frame and illustrating the difficulty of pulling off such a design, if so.

After that, doubtless there could be a wealth to examine, though it seems rather straightforward in its execution of the thought, practically referencing Jason and the Argonauts in closing, contradicting the female visitor's initial assessment as it portend a darker future and is not so entirely vain in its seeming finality.

Interesting and too commonplace in the main incident, that it feebly pushes the reader toward introspection and the end of our capricious folly. Or, correct me. And who said you needed talent to be a sonneteer?

[Maryann Corbett]

The emotional weight is very good. I'm sorry to say I'm put off by the placement of "they've," a normally unstressed word, in stressed position and placed at the line end, as a rhyme word, where I have to pay close attention. The following headless line adds to my trip-up.

[Catherine Chandler]

The placement of "they've" is anything but off-putting to me. I think it's a brilliant and inspired way to enjamb with the following word "dumped" which is, in effect, "dumped" (like the poor boys) onto the following line.

[Mary McLean]

Congrats Ed on a very fine poem! I didn't vote for it in the end because it felt less like it had to be a sonnet than the others: the turn is there, but it's very subtle. I didn't want to comment on the thread in case I persuaded others not to vote for it on such flimsy grounds.

Although I could tell it was meant to be about gang warfare in US cities, I felt some faint connections to the Crusades and to modern Palestine. I can't quite point to what made me think that, but I was curious whether either or both were intended. I think the dragon's teeth reference adds to that timeless quality, that this is both about nowadays (and my home town, I presume) and about everywhen. Very moving.