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  #21  
Old 06-22-2017, 02:45 PM
R. Nemo Hill's Avatar
R. Nemo Hill R. Nemo Hill is offline
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The meter of that line is fine, perfectly natural.
Leave it be.

Great poem, Rick.

Nemo
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  #22  
Old 06-22-2017, 05:21 PM
Richard Oakley Richard Oakley is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick Mullin View Post
Blue Field of Light

It feels like the air is about to explode.
I’ve lived through a morning like this and I know
the blue field of light, the uncrackable code,

an ultimate comedown prepared to unload.
The turnover high, the technology low,
it feels like the air is about to explode.

It’s quiet. Too quiet, this bend in the road.
Routine and familiar the flight of the crow.
The blue field of light, the uncrackable code,

a rerun of some never-aired episode
is streaming the channel. It’s time for The Show.
It feels like the air is about to explode

with scattershot prayer in the Lydian mode.
A radio silence falls gentle as snow.
The blue field of light, the uncrackable code—


inaudible siren, unscannable ode—
blows open above, en route to below.
It feels like the air is about to explode
the blue field of light, the uncrackable code.
.
Hello Rick,

My name is Richard, I'm new here. I've been trying to
write poetry for about 20 years now. I'm not sure if I'm at
all close; but I digress: I like your poem (and love
that form of poem immensely), and find your images
excellent; my only caveat is how close *ode is to *oh
for the the two ending rhymes.

I know that you are too far in the process to change it.
I just thought I would point it out, and possibly infer
the reasoning?

Good day,
Richard Oakley.
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  #23  
Old Yesterday, 07:22 AM
Catherine Chandler's Avatar
Catherine Chandler Catherine Chandler is offline
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Just for laughs.

Last edited by Catherine Chandler; Yesterday at 10:35 AM.
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