[Brian Allgar]

A friend has sent me a few items from English newspapers that may amuse.

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, 'We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.'
(The Daily Telegraph)

Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.
(The Manchester Evening News)

Irish police are handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)

At the height of the gale, the harbour-master radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
( Aberdeen Evening Express)

Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled -
'He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.''
( Bournemouth Evening Echo)

[Susan McLean]

Thanks for posting these, Brian. I laughed a lot.

Susan

[John Whitworth]

Yes, many thanks.

[Brian Allgar]

Ooops, I've just realized that I used the word 'England', although one story comes from Ireland and another from Scotland. My apologies to the natives of those parts.

[Adrian Fry]

Very funny indeed, Brian, although the one about the Nazi gardener used often to be told by the humourist Alan Coren.

[John Whitworth]

England includes those parts. It does really.

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by Adrian Fry

Very funny indeed, Brian, although the one about the Nazi gardener used often to be told by the humourist Alan Coren.

Perhaps he heard it from Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe?

[Carolyn Thomas-Coxhead]

Originally Posted by Adrian Fry

Very funny indeed, Brian, although the one about the Nazi gardener used often to be told by the humourist Alan Coren.

Or it could have come via Mrs Trellis. Either way, on a filthy wet day (again) in the south of France, I can amuse myself by considering what to spell out in bulbs for next year.

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by Carolyn Thomas-Coxhead

Or it could have come via Mrs Trellis. Either way, on a filthy wet day (again) in the south of France, I can amuse myself by considering what to spell out in bulbs for next year.

"A la recherche du beau temps perdu"?

[Carolyn Thomas-Coxhead]

Originally Posted by Brian Allgar

"A la recherche du beau temps perdu"?

D'you think they'd come up?