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02-09-2016, 05:57 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: London
Posts: 994
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Thank you Brian and Jayne. I rather like the double fish myself, but I shall consider.
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02-09-2016, 06:26 AM
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Member
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: The Borders, Andalucia and Italy
Posts: 1,537
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Brilliant, Brian - with a truly deadly (!) punch-line.
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02-09-2016, 06:31 AM
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Member
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 5,391
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Thank you, Nigel. I almost made my protagonist female, but thought that Jayne might take it amiss.
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02-09-2016, 07:03 AM
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Member
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Suffolk
Posts: 1,245
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Great stuff, Brian and Rob! This comp is going to be hotly contested. Some really good takes on the rather weird title.
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02-09-2016, 08:09 AM
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Member
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: London
Posts: 994
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I often think the weirder subjects produce some of the most interesting responses. It certainly seems to the case here. Stiff competition already, methinks...
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02-09-2016, 10:24 AM
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Administrator
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Middle England
Posts: 6,950
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Quote:
I almost made my protagonist female, but thought that Jayne might take it amiss.
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Haha. I can honestly say I've never ridden my motorbike at 2 x the ton speed, Brian... I have done 135mph though, then I started to run out of (deserted) road - and out of bottle!
So now, regarding ''the winners' enclosure'', Sylvia, Rob and Brian are certainly worthy of three of the four places if there's any justice in this world. Great stuff, all of you. Well done!
Jayne
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02-09-2016, 02:52 PM
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Member
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: England
Posts: 188
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I was once ill for 4 days after eating at KFC. Now I know why:
'Rat placenta from KFC'.
There are some brilliant poems here. I think I'll have to give this comp a miss.
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02-10-2016, 10:59 AM
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Member
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dublin
Posts: 211
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rob Stuart
I weigh a ton, and look it too: there’s simply no disguising
The puckered rolls of adipose I’ve got from gourmandising.
There’s very little I would deem unsavoury or icky.
If carbon-based, I’ll chug it down: I’m really not too picky.
This predilection grieves my wife-I struggle to appease her
When I’ve been collared crunching chips directly from the freezer,
Or gobbling a sausage roll that’s feculent and stinking,
Or drinking cooking oil (or something else not meant for drinking.)
She’ll wring her hands, comparing my addiction to a junkie’s,
But truth be told, I genuinely couldn’t give a monkey’s.
I’ll turn and walk away from her the moment she starts bitching
And pluck a goldfish from the bowl to swallow, live and twitching.
I’ll fill my tum with anything from compost to polenta,
From steak and kidney pudding to a bit of rat placenta,
From KFC and egg-fried rice to acorns, leaves and catkins…
But if I ever reach two tons, I’m going on the Atkins.
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A bit picky, I know, Rob, because it's quite brilliant, but
L6 - I have trouble with gobbling as a three syllable word. It needs an extra syllable - gobbling down?
L7 - I'd probably opt for 'swigging cooking oil' to avoid the repetition of 'drinking'.
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02-10-2016, 12:41 PM
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Member
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 2,041
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Limit: Two Tons
HaHa Two-Ton Sally beats her white drum.
Her teepee thrums thrums power in the night.
A brave and maiden sit nearby. They've come
for help to procreate and Sally's sight
is undisputed. She makes medicine
and ties the couple with a leather strap
together to a pole, serves mescaline
to them there with a wooden spoon. Her lap
is full of potions. Honey locust thorns
are placed in dolls in private places, lit
a little, fire and smoke in them with horns
from buffalo, white and bleached. A snake-bit
chipmunk bleeds out in each; his dying squeal
is mimicked, and Sally, (who barely weighs eighty),
smiles and laughs into the fire where the deal
is done. Their wish is granted and weighty.
Last edited by Charlie Southerland; 02-10-2016 at 02:53 PM.
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02-10-2016, 04:31 PM
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Member
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: London
Posts: 994
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Thank you Peter, I'll consider.
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