Eratosphere Forums - Metrical Poetry, Free Verse, Fiction, Art, Critique, Discussions Able Muse - a review of poetry, prose and art

Forum Left Top

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-12-2017, 07:15 PM
Andrew Mandelbaum's Avatar
Andrew Mandelbaum Andrew Mandelbaum is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Portland Maine
Posts: 2,991
Default Murmuration

Murmuration

Our significant genetic trait is precisely physical (and mental) nonadaptation: a tortoise when we retire beneath a roof, a crab when we hold out a pair of pliers, a horse when we bestride a mount. We are again and again available for new forms.
Andre Leroi-Gourhan

Lashes drum,
lids roll in sleep,
the murmurs rise
from bindings deep
within kind's hyphened plexus.

Names and lines,
and borders lift
at scuttling beat
all bearings shift,
in wing-bowed bank
I dive into the nexus.

Across the rift in unmanned mind
a tether whirs, its spool unwinds;
my gaze gone black, I feather through the flue.
This heightened sight, this guiding blind!
The paths of our descents combine.

Our eyes were poured in total dark,
and dark their fire, too.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09-15-2017, 08:09 AM
Aaron Novick's Avatar
Aaron Novick Aaron Novick is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 668
Default

Andrew, I remember an earlier version of this—I really like where you've taken it. It sings, it really sings. I can feel the flight as I read it.

I would ditch the epigraph, though. The poem stands on its own.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-16-2017, 02:29 PM
Andrew Mandelbaum's Avatar
Andrew Mandelbaum Andrew Mandelbaum is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Portland Maine
Posts: 2,991
Default

Thanks for the note Aaron. I might cut that epi. I think I might need to add a final stanza here. We'll see.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Forum Right Top
Forum Left Bottom Forum Right Bottom
 
Right Left
Member Login
Forgot password?
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 7,826
Total Threads: 18,482
Total Posts: 238,624
There are 196 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Sponsor:
Donate & Support Able Muse / Eratosphere
Forum LeftForum Right
Right Right
Right Bottom Left Right Bottom Right

Hosted by ApplauZ Online