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  #11  
Unread 10-21-2016, 05:21 PM
Simon Hunt Simon Hunt is offline
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I'm with the consensus here, I'm afraid. This is skillful but deploys that skill so unambitiously that I can't get too excited about it.
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  #12  
Unread 10-21-2016, 07:31 PM
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Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
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I am afraid that I have to join the negative chorus. For me, "oast" was the only redeeming feature. One problem is that there is no indication of why the victim of this attack is deserving of such treatment: Shakespeare makes us feel passion and joy; this is too much of a rote exercise to make us laugh or feel anything.
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  #13  
Unread 10-22-2016, 09:01 AM
Michael Cantor Michael Cantor is offline
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I'm another. It's unambitious, gimmicky, not up to Bake-Off standards.
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  #14  
Unread 10-23-2016, 02:49 PM
Tim Murphy Tim Murphy is offline
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I enjoyed it, harmless, but I'll read Wendy Cope anytime.
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  #15  
Unread 10-23-2016, 06:18 PM
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Robin Helweg-Larsen Robin Helweg-Larsen is offline
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This is a very well-executed parody, worthy of Marcus Bales.
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  #16  
Unread 10-24-2016, 08:02 AM
David Danoff David Danoff is offline
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Life is unfair and swiftly it declines.
The Yuletide yew we hewed remains untrimmed


I think those lines are good, the first for pithiness and the second for sonics.

But the rest is a fairly weak repurposing, which (as others have been saying) doesn't do enough that's clever or unexpected.
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  #17  
Unread 10-26-2016, 08:09 PM
Jennifer Gordon Jennifer Gordon is offline
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First, thanks to aka Orwn Acra (sp?) for comparing said parodied sonnet of the Bard's with this pretty number.
After that, Shakespeare proved his love far beyond a summer's day, whereas this sonneteer seems content to merely liken the season invoked and former lover.
Other than that, I could wish it a tad more generous in differing with Shakespeare's but that seems rather peevish.
L7 introduces what follows, yet seems to stand alone as it cuts in after the flow of the previous lines.
If it's not rude, I beg to differ with the "impeccable craftsmanship" assessment, the flow rather choppy, which is typical of an amateur, the Bard being no exception.
Elsewise, this is a clever piece of work and I rather enjoyed its parody of sorts.
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