[Jacqueline Casey]

I find this poem fascinating. It describes, for me, how old age can make one feel. The abandoned leaves lying about the trunk of the tree no longer a part of anything. They are past the Autumn of life and closer to December. He is the wind that no longer plays through the trees. Even the branches are stripped away and he reminds me of a dying fire, "undressed, and "to ashes". Life is over and yet, the speaker is still aware of the "process" and the drip, drip, dripping of the final bits of self and the busy life he once had. He is not dead, yet. As an aging person, I can totally relate to the speaker. I wish he/she had, perhaps, thought of a more exciting title. My favorite of all the poems so far because of the writer's skill with metaphor.

[Michael Cantor]

This one doesn't appeal to me. I liked the first stanza, and then it just seems to disintegrate into overwriting and labored images - "coward’s grace", "courtesy’s veneer", "paper screens", "furtive silhouettes" and "inward gaze" all jammed into the four-line second stanza didn't work al all for me, and the sestet seemed clumsy.

[Mark McDonnell]

I really like this one. There's perhaps a tad too much 'poetic' sounding modification in the second quatrain particularly, as Michael suggests, but I found it to be a genuinely haunting and thoughtful meditation on the idea of pinning down the self: what makes you 'you'. What Kyle said, really.

[Aaron Poochigian]

Sorry, Eratospherians--I mistakenly posted a new poem inside this thread. I have deleted it.

[Aaron Poochigian]

Sorry, again.

[Orwn Acra]

Cutting the second quatrain would ruin the sonnet but save the poem.

[Michael Cantor]

Yes, cutting the second stanza would help immensely. You could even combine it with the second stanza lifted from "X", come up with a whole new joint-venture poem, and enter all three of them in a new category: Sonnets That Are Better Shorter

[Julie Steiner]

LOL, you put the "canto" in Cantor, Michael! [Edited to say that yeah, my attempt at a pun on "cento" doesn't really work. Sorry. Moving on...]

My favorite part of this is by far the sestet, but I think that that sort of stream-of-consciousness assemblage of unconnected images really needs the contextual setup of a straightforward octave (even if I'm not wowed by the current Q2).

In fact, that's what I see as the turn in this sonnet--a shift from deliberately-constructed argumentation in the octave to a mere pile of images in the sestet. In theory, I like it. A lot. In application, I have to admit that the deliberately-constructed part could use a few tweaks.

The best part of that second quatrain is the inventive veneer/snare rhyme, but I wouldn't mind losing that if the author were to write a really strong second quatrain to replace it.

[Mary McLean]

I'm with Michael on this one -- loved the first quatrain but Q2 lost me. It would be a lot better either as 10 lines or with a different second quatrain.

[Dave East]

The final sestet of this beautiful sonnet sent a shiver down my spine. I enjoyed this very much.

Dave