[Aaron Poochigian]

Desilu

My love loves I Love Lucy more than I,
but I love Desi's laughter. He's offscreen
since Ricky's at the club; he ought to try
to stifle it but watches Lucy lean
into a bit--say, chocolates without pause,
or smashed on vitameatavegamin--
and solos over audience guffaws.
Producer, straight man, husband: he's all in--
and so are we--but mostly he's amused.
We know by now how bad their marriage got,
alas--and, yes, the mise-en-scene's confused
by laughter turning up where it should not.
Still, he's for moments just what he should be,
and it's the warmest sound in all TV.

[Aaron Poochigian]

I have never watched an episode of “I Love Lucy,” and this homage to Desi Amaz makes me feel like I am missing out on essential American mythology. The contrast between studio hilarity and marital misery is very effective. The speaker’s familiar tone is endearing. It is hard to get away with using “alas” in a poem in the twenty-first century, but the exclamation feels just right. The closing couplet is particularly strong.

[Catherine Chandler]

This is delightful. I disagree with the DG that "alas" works here. I think the two blah feet (alas-- and yes,) are totally wasted feet. So much can be done with them to sharpen the sonnet. Also the phrase mise en scène requires an accent (missing) and doesn't need to be hyphenated. One of my favorites so far.

[Ron]

Well this TV/Baby Boomer enjoyed this piece very much. Almost everyone who grew up with this couple (both the fictional and the real) in their living room will recall the two episodes cited very clearly and, probably, very fondly.
The sonnet's structurally sound and "alas" bothers me not one bit. Well done, I think.

[Jayne Osborn]

I'm normally useless at matching Bake-off entries to the correct poet, but I remember this one being posted - so I'll get it right for the first time!

I used to watch I Love Lucy so I'm guessing, from his/her reply, that our Top Secret DG is young (well, . . . younger than I am) and is American. Hmmm . . . that narrows the possibilities down a bit.

Jayne

Ron,
Welcome to the Sphere. "Alas'' doesn't bother me either.

[Catherine Chandler]

Originally Posted by Top Secret DG

this homage to Desi Amaz

Yes, Jayne, either very young, or not American. His name is Desi Arnaz, not Amaz. Maybe it's my eyes....

[Roger Slater]

Why do you suppose the DG is American?

Wait, I see a reason. The comma is inside the quotation mark.

I like the sonnet very much but I'm with the anti-alas crowd. It's not just that the word is anachronistic, but that the interjected sentiment is unnecessary and intrusive. I don't need an interjection to remind me that a failed marriage is generally a bad thing, so "alas" does nothing but fill a beat.

[Roger Slater]

For the sake of the DG, here's the chocolates without pause scene. And here's the vitameatavegimen.

[Gail White]

This was a very strong set of sonnets, I think one of our best. And I like this one even though I never found ILL particularly funny. (Must admit, though, that I loved their movie "The Long, Long Trailer")

[David Danoff]

Yeah, this one is good. Although I do think "alas" could be improved upon.... As I recall, it was a late substitute for something that was questioned in the workshop. It does no harm, but it could be doing more work.

I'll also add: I've never seen I Love Lucy, and I only know those two episodes as shibboleths that boomers are always referencing, or the kinds of overexposed clips that turn up in awards shows or documentaries. So, my teeth are set slightly on edge from the start by the subject matter...but the poem's wit and charm and grace completely win me over.