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Unread 08-26-2010, 02:14 AM
John Whitworth's Avatar
John Whitworth John Whitworth is offline
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Location: United Kingdom
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Default Staggers: Clerihews Competition

Bazza and Bill on excellent form showing how this is done. I must say I thought some of the other winners were rather anodyne. My Ed Balls was much better. But it is unwise to wave one's rightist credentials in their faces, so it serves me right.

The new competition might be fun but difficult for non-UK persons. Tread softly, for you tread on my dreams comes (perhaps rather too insistently) to mind. And slouching rough beasts too.


The NS Competition No 4140
Set by Leonora Casement

We asked for clerihews about politicians, whether foreign or home-grown, who are active in politics today.

This week's winners
This comp produced the largest postbag so far this year. And how good you all were - except for those compers who forgot that clerihews have an AABB rhyming pattern. £25 to Basil Ransome-Davies, £15 to the doubletons and £10 each to the rest. The Tesco vouchers go, in addition, to Bazza.

Vladimir Putin
Enjoys putting the boot in,
A habitual caprice
Of the secret police.

Vince Cable
In popular fable
Has been crowned
King of the high moral ground.

Nicholas Clegg
May be quite a good egg,
But will he come to regret
Falling in with the Bullingdon set?
Basil Ransome-Davies (3)

It's more than a rumour
That Jacob Zuma
Is no slouch
On the wedding couch.
Barry Baldwin

Nick Clegg
Is not a bad egg.
He's hoping for glory
Now that he's almost a Tory!

Ed Miliband
Has his head in the sand
He won't please his mother
If he ousts his big brother!
Shirley Curran (2)

Nicolas Sarkozy
Knows he
Enters the parlour
As Monsieur Carla.

Jacob Zuma
Is a baby boomer:
Not that he was born after the war
It's just that he's fathered a score.
Bill Greenwell (2)

Nick Clegg
Recalled the words curate and egg.
When asked how his manifesto promises could be credible
He replied: "Parts of them are edible!"

George Osborne,
Recalling the silver spoon with which he was born,
Began to wonder whether
It was really prudent to say that we are all in this together
Gavin Ross (2)

Though Diane Abbott
Dreams she might grab it,
None but a white, male, youngish, school-tie nob
Can land the topmost Labour job.
Barbara Smoker

Signor Berlusconi
Likes them chubby, not bony;
But he really didn't oughta
Date girls younger than his daughter.
Alanna Blake

Now Vince Cable
Has a seat at the cabinet table,
He tries not to look absurd,
Eating every other word.
Peter Barnes

To join the inner circle
Of Angela Merkel,
You'd need to scrounge a
Spare sunlounger.
David Silverman

Dr Vincent Cable,
Sainted and some say very able,
Wins prizes for his cha-cha,
But to Liberal beliefs he says "ta-ta".
Linda Donaghie

Ed Balls
Has visited many union halls.
He seeks the crown
Of Brown.
John O'Byrne

Boris Johnson, mayor,
Hates bendy buses - seems unfair.
You think he'd be a stout defender
Of going out on a bender.

David Miliband
Comes across as chilly, and
Supported Blair and Bush, which makes one wary,
And his eyes are scary.
Sue Skinner (2)

David Cameron
Likes to hammer on
About the need for shared sacrifice
While his own way of life is rather nice.
Ian Birchall

Chris Huhne
Used to sing a green tune.
But now he's into power
Nuclear plants will flower.
Eric Nielson

The Milibands
Would like a show of hands
On which of them
Would make the better PM.
Carolyn Beckingham

The next challenge
No 4143 Set by Leonora Casement

We'd like a poem from Gerard Manley Hopkins, Yeats or Coleridge on any aspect of the coalition government.
Max 16 lines by 9 September
comp@newstatesman.co.uk
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