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  #1  
Unread 09-30-2015, 01:07 PM
Martin Rocek's Avatar
Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
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Default Bake-Off #1 secondary challenge.

This is the first of three secondary events for the 2015 Translation Bake-off (TBO). Your task is to translate the following song into singable English. Each contestant may post as many different translations of each song as he or she pleases to this thread until it is locked at noon (Pacific Daylight Time) on Tuesday, October 13.

Full details here.


SONG TITLE, COMPOSER, LYRICIST

"Cielito lindo" (literally, "pretty little heaven," but colloquially equivalent to more general terms of endearment like "sweet little darling" or "cute sweetheart"). "-ito" is a diminutive ending. See the excellent Spanish-English dictionary at WordReference.com for alternative definitions of cielito, its root cielo, lindo, and any other words that give you trouble.

The tune is believed to have been composed by Quirino Mendoza y Cortés (1862-1957) of Mexico.

Some of the lyrics were written by Mendoza; others were adapted by him from earlier sources; still others were written by unknown later performers.


NOTES ON THE SONG:

"Cielito lindo" is one of Mexico's most famous songs, popularized by Quirino Mendoza y Cortés in 1882 and immortalized by mariachi bands and football (soccer) fans ever since. (It has also been altered in English as "The Limerick Song"--more on that later.)

Because it is traditional for performers of "Cielito lindo" to add their own words to the song, and because centuries' worth of other poems in the seguidilla form fit the same tune, many verses exist, with many variants; the four presented here were transcribed from the provided video link to avoid confusion, but these texts are not necessarily authoritative.

Mendoza is generally believed to be the composer of this tune as well as the popularizer of it, and he is known to have composed many other songs; however, the words of the first verse, and possibly the tune itself, originated as an anonymous seguidilla from Spain, which country is also the location of the notoriously bandit-filled Sierra Morena mountain range. Since "morena" is the adjective to describe a dark-haired or brunette woman, the geographical name and its dangerous reputation also connote the perils of falling in love with such a person.

Mendoza definitely wrote the third verse himself, in order to court a woman named Catalina Martínez who is known to have had a mole near her mouth. The ploy worked: she married him.

The true seguidilla form is a pattern of seven lines, but (as in this case) these seven lines may be interspersed with additional elements that do not affect the line count. Here, the recurring "cielito lindo" lines and the "Ay, ay, ay ay" may be disregarded:

7 syllables (unrhymed)
"cielito lindo"
5 syllables (the A rhyme)
7 syllables (unrhymed)
"cielito lindo"
5 syllables (the A rhyme)
"Ay, ay, ay, ay"
5 syllables (the B rhyme)
8 syllables (unrhymed) <--In a true seguidilla, this line would also have 7 syllables)
"cielito lindo"
5 syllables (the B rhyme)

As familiarity with the seguidilla form has decreased since the song's debut in 1882, the four lines before the "Ay, ay, ay, ay" in this song have come to be regarded as independent quatrains, and the three lines after "Ay, ay, ay, ay" have come to be regarded as a recurring refrain (although in some versions--regrettably, none that I could find performed online--those final three lines are different each time, and customized to the preceding four lines).

In the video-linked performance below, two quatrains are sung before each "Ay, ay, ay, ay" refrain, thus thoroughly hiding the seven-line format (but saving time, which I thought was beneficial for our purposes).


THE ORIGINAL IN PERFORMANCE:

Performed by Lydia Mendoza (1916-2007) -- no relation to Quirino Mendoza:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0Z9TunIldA


ORIGINAL TEXT:

(Rhyme pairs are bolded and marked A, B, etc.; note that assonantal rhymes are as acceptable as perfect rhymes. Also note that in Spanish poetry, there is mandatory sinalepha, or the elision of two or more adjacent vowel sounds; for example, when a word ends in a vowel immediately before a word beginning with a silent "h," those two syllables are compressed into one.)

De la Sierra Morena, ............................(7: De..la..Si+e..rra..Mo..re..na)
cielito lindo, ..........................................(5: ci+e..li..to..lin..do)
vienen bajando, ........................A.........(5:.vi+e..nen..ba..jan..do)
Un par de ojitos negros, .......................(7: Un..par..de+o..ji..tos..ne..gros)
cielito lindo, ..........................................(5: ci+e..li..to..lin..do)
de contrabando. .......................A..........(5: de..con..tra..ban..do)

De tu puerta a la mía, ...........................(7: De..tu..pu+er..ta+a..la..mí+a)
cielito lindo, ..........................................(5: ci+e..li..to..lin..do)
no hay más que un paso. .........C.........(5: no+hay..más..que+un..paso)
Ahora que estamos solos, ....................(7: A+ho..ra..que+es..ta..mos..so..los)
cielito lindo, ..........................................(5: ci+e..li..to..lin..do)
dame un abrazo. ......................C.........(5: da..me+un..a..bra..zo)

Estribillo: (Refrain)
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ........................................(not considered a line of the seguidilla)
Canta y no llores, ......................B.........(5: Can..ta-y..no..llo..res)
Porque cantando se alegran, ...............(8: Por..que..can..tan..do..se+a..le..gran)
cielito lindo, ..........................................(5: ci+e..li..to..lin..do)
los corazones. ...........................B.........(5: los..co..ra..zon..es)

Ese lunar que tienes, ...........................(7: E..se..lu..nar..que..ti+e..nes)
cielito lindo, ..........................................(5: ci+e..li..to..lin..do)
junto a tu boca, ..........................D........(5: jun..to+a..tu..bo..ca)
No se lo des a nadie, ...........................(7: No..se..lo..des..a..na..di+e)
cielito lindo, ..........................................(5: ci+e..li..to..lin..do)
que a mí me toca. ......................D........(5: que+a..mí..me..to..ca)

Pájaro que abandona, .........................(7: Pá..ja..ro..que+a..ban..do..na)
cielito lindo, ..........................................(5: ci+e..li..to..lin..do)
su primer nido, ...........................E.......(5: su..pri..mer..ni..do)
Vuelve y lo halla ocupado, ...................(7: Vu+el..ve+y..lo+ha..lla+o..cu..pa..do)
cielito lindo: ..........................................(5: ci+e..li..to..lin..do)
es muy merecido. ......................E.......(5: +es..muy..mer..e..ci..do)
[Although this is the version sung in the video performance, the variant line bien merecido better fits the meter, because it doesn't require sinalepha with the last syllable of the previous line to make 5 syllables.]

Estribillo (Refrain)


LITERAL ENGLISH PROSE CRIB:

De la Sierra Morena, ............................From the Range Dark-haired (Dark-haired Mountain Range),
cielito lindo, .......................................... (see the note on the title, above)
vienen bajando, ................................... they come descending --
Un par de ojitos negros, ...................... a pair of eyes (diminutive ending) black, dark
.................................................. ........... (a pair of dark little eyes),
cielito lindo, .......................................... X,
de contrabando. ................................. (that are) contraband/smuggled/bootleg/illegal.

De tu puerta a la mía, ...........................From your door to the [door that is] mine,
cielito lindo, .......................................... X,
no hay más que un paso. .................... no there's more (there's no more) than a step.
Ahora que estamos solos, ....................Now that we're alone,
cielito lindo, .......................................... X,
dame un abrazo. ................................. gimme a hug.

(Estribillo: ) ........................................... (Refrain: )
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ........................................(sounds to represent either singing or crying)
Canta y no llores, ..................................Sing and don't cry,
Porque cantando se alegran, ...............Because (by) singing they get happy,
cielito lindo, ..........................................X,
los corazones. ......................................the hearts. (hearts do)

Ese lunar que tienes, ........................... That mole that you have,
cielito lindo, .......................................... X,
junto a tu boca, .................................... next to your mouth,
No se lo des a nadie, ........................... Don't up it give (don't give it up)
.................................................. ........... to nobody (to anyone)
cielito lindo, .......................................... X,
que a mí me toca. ................................ because to me, me, it pertains
.................................................. ........... because it belongs to me.

(This verse usually comes second, after the Sierra Morena / contraband verse, in which context the surrender of the mole makes a bit more sense.)

Pájaro que abandona, ......................... Bird that abandons,
cielito lindo, .......................................... X,
su primer nido, ..................................... its first nest,
Vuelve y lo halla ocupado, ................... returns and it finds (finds it) occupied,
cielito lindo: .......................................... X:
es muy merecido. ................................ it's very deserved. (serves it right)
[Although this is the version sung in the video performance, the variant line bien merecido (well-deserved) better fits the meter, because that doesn't require sinalepha with the last syllable of the previous line to make 5 syllables.]

(Estribillo) ............................................ (Refrain)


MISCELLANEOUS NOTES:

For all 2015 Translation Bake-off secondary events, you may adjust the syllable count so long as the translation is still singable to the same tune. Providing an audio link of yourself or someone else singing your translation, to show how you envision this, would be helpful (and entertaining). Entries with audio links will be rewarded with an extra point in the voting, equivalent to one vote.

For this Bake-off event only (2A, "Cielito lindo), you may also try setting your entries to a slightly--or completely--different tune.

The reasons for this rule change for this one song are 1.) to add to the fun and 2.) to account for the possibility that tone-deaf contestants might not realize that "The Limerick Song" uses the same refrain but alters the tune of the verses somewhat.

The recurrent "Little darling" in The Beatles' "Here Comes the Sun" comes to mind, although that tune might not provide enough space to maneuver.
  #2  
Unread 10-01-2015, 10:03 AM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is online now
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CIELITO LINDO

Down from the dark-colored mountains,
oh my sweet darling,
where they had hidden,
two lovely eyes are descending,
oh my sweet darling,
dark and forbidden.

To travel from your door to my door,
oh my sweet darling,
is far from a struggle,
and now that we two are in private,
oh my sweet darling,
come here, let's snuggle!

Ay ay ay ay
Don't shed a tear, but be singing
The joy that our hearts will be filled with,
oh my sweet darling,
the music is bringing.

Next to your mouth there's a freckle,
oh my sweet darling,
I love how you wear it.
Don't let a stranger come near it,
oh my sweet darling,
it's mine, I won't share it.

The foolhardy bird that abandons,
oh my sweet darling,
the nest it created,
comes back and finds it's been taken,
oh my sweet darling,
it's his fault he waited.
  #3  
Unread 10-02-2015, 10:58 AM
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
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Wow, Rogerbob, that's going to be awfully hard to beat.
  #4  
Unread 10-02-2015, 11:42 AM
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Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
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I agree with Julie--this is great! I do wonder if turning a mole into a freckle is a liberty that could be avoided. The refrain also doesn't seem quite as natural as the rest.
  #5  
Unread 10-03-2015, 09:54 PM
David Rosenthal David Rosenthal is offline
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Impressive as usual, Bob. I sang a bit of it and it works.

My only nit is the first line of the chorus, which is such a famous line, I don't know how it could be handled to everyone's satisfaction. For me it felt, as Martin put it, not as natural as the rest. "Canta y no llores" is so direct that any adornments for melody's sake seem to weaken it a bit. But, the chorus sounded good when I sang it to the melody, so it is more on paper that there is anything nit-worthy.

I was thinking of giving this a go, especially since the original is a fav song, but I couldn't come close to this in such a short time. Nicely done.

David R.
  #6  
Unread 10-04-2015, 12:45 AM
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
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This can't compete with Rogerbob's entry, but maybe it will give someone else some ideas. Or at least chuckles. Since we're allowed to change the tune for this one, I thought I'd give that a try:

SING, GIRL, DON'T CRY

Sung to the tune of "Big Girls Don't Cry," written by Bob Gaudio and Bob Crewe, performed by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.

INTRO:
Sing, girl, don't cry
Sing, girl, don't cry

REFRAIN:
Sing, girl
Don't cry-ay-ay
(Sing, don't cry)
You're my
Lovely sky
(You're like a lovely sky)
Singing, girl,
Hearts get high-ay-ay
(Hearts get high)
You're my
Lovely sky
(My lovely sky)

VERSE 1:
(Oh, those eyes)
Down the hairpin mountain track
(Oh, those eyes)
Lurk a pair of scouts in black
(Oh, those eyes)
Like a highwayman's attack
Sing, girl, don't cry

REFRAIN

VERSE 2:
(Just one hug)
Since you are the girl next door
(Just one hug)
Just a step away, no more
(Just one hug)
One caress I'm asking for
Sing, girl, don't cry

REFRAIN

VERSE 3:
(Mine, all mine)
Near your mouth, that mole you've got
(Mine, all mine)
Don't you dare give up that dot
(Mine, all mine)
It belongs to me, that spot
Sing, girl, don't cry

REFRAIN

VERSE 4:
(Silly bird)
Any bird, when it has strayed
(Silly bird)
Finds its nest has been re-laid
(Silly bird)
Serves it right, it should have stayed
Sing, girl, don't cry

REFRAIN


[And yes, I'm aware that "Lovely sky" is a really lousy and unidiomatic translation of "Cielito lindo."]

Last edited by Julie Steiner; 10-04-2015 at 01:05 AM.
  #7  
Unread 10-04-2015, 11:46 AM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is online now
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Thanks!

I like yours Julie, especially "Sing, girl, don't dry" -- which is precisely the point at which my version falls flat.

I don't know if this is an improvement, but I'm considering alternative refrains:

Ay ay ay ay
Sing and don't let your tears start,
because it's by singing that happiness,
oh my sweet darling,
will fill up the heart.

or

Ay ay ay ay
Sing, sing, don't be tearful,
because it's by singing the heart,
my sweet darling,
grows joyous and cheerful.

Last edited by Roger Slater; 10-04-2015 at 05:07 PM.
  #8  
Unread 10-04-2015, 04:56 PM
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Catherine Chandler Catherine Chandler is offline
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Default Inamorata

Here's my singable, "loose" machista translation. I left Sierra Morena as is, since it is a geographical location and there doesn't seem to be a need to change it (we wouldn't change Sierra Nevada, etc. etc.).

Inamorata

Down from Sierra Morena,
Inamorata,
Deep undercover,
One pair of pitch-black peepers,
Inamorata,
Will meet a lover.

One step away from your place,
Inamorata,
You’ll find my doorway,
Now that the coast is clear, dear
Inamorata,
Let’s have some foreplay.

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Sing, don’t be teary!
Because by singing, your heart will,
Inamorata,
Be light and cheery!

Don’t give your mouth’s cute mole, dear
Inamorata,
To other suitors,
‘Cause it is mine forever,
Inamorata,
Just like your hooters.

Birds that pull out beforehand,
Inamorata,
For lack of moxie,
When they come home to roost, my
Inamorata,
They’ll find a proxy.

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Sing, don’t be teary!
Because by singing, your heart will,
Inamorata,
Be light and cheery!


**************************************
  #9  
Unread 10-04-2015, 05:43 PM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is online now
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I like your humorous slant on it, Catherine. Suitors/hooters is a hoot. And as implausible as it may be that the gentleman is dreaming foremost about "foreplay," the rhyme makes me overlook his unmanly priorities. Fun stuff.
  #10  
Unread 10-05-2015, 12:14 AM
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
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I like your "don't be tearful" version a lot, Roger. But I think it would be more effective to hold the first syllable out more: "Sing, don't be tearful," rather than "Sing, sing, don't be tearful." But maybe I'm hearing the timing of the original "Canta y no llores" differently than you are. (In 3/4 time, I would give the "Can-" and the "Sing" three beats.)

Catherine, that's hilarious! I'd say nicely done, but "naughtily done" seems more apropos.
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