2015 ERATOSPHERE TRANSLATION BAKE-OFF
MAIN EVENT ENTRY F
Title:
"Oh Ola, Ola, My Love, My Own" ("Å Ola, Ola, Min Eigen Unge")
Lyricist and Composer:
Norwegian lyrics and music by Anonymous
Translator's Note:
This folk song comes from Vegårdshei in in southern Norway, and is part of the stev tradition of folk singing. Stev poems are improvised verse expressing feelings or opinions on a subject, and sung with any stev melody.
Sung Versions:
1.)
Norwegian lyrics, performed by the Norwegian-American singer Sonja Savig (uncredited in the audio clip itself).
2.) If that audio file doesn't work for you, here's
another performance of the Norwegian lyrics (much faster, and it includes an extra verse before this version's final verse).
3.)
The contestant's English translation, performed a cappella by the Top Secret Yodeler.
The Competitor's Translation
Oh Ola, Ola, My Love, My Own
Oh Ola, Ola, my love, my own,
Why have you gone and left me here alone?
I never thought you would be untrue,
Since I was young, as you full well knew,
Since I was young, as you full well knew.
And down my cheeks so many tears have run,
I’ve often thought I could not go on.
And I have cried so many tears,
As there are days in a thousand years,
As there are days in a thousand years.
Oh Love, it comes and tears you apart.
God help the one who lets it in his heart.
Oh Love, it burns more fiercely as it grows.
It hurts much more than anybody knows,
It hurts much more than anybody knows.
Original Norwegian Lyrics
Å Ola, Ola, Min Eigen Unge
Å Ola, Ola, min eigen unge
Kvi la du på meg den sorg so tunge?
Eg tenkte aldri du brydd’ deg um
A narra meg søm du sag var ung.
A narra meg søm du sag var ung.
Og mangei tår på mitt kinn hev runne,
Eg tenkte vetet det hadde sprunge,
Og eg hey gråte so mangei tår
Som der er dagar i tusen år
Som der er dagar i tusen år
Å kjærligheita, ho kan bedrøve,
Gud bære den som far henner prøve.
A kjærligheita, ho er so heit,
Ho virker sårar enn nokon veit.
Ho virker sårar enn nokon veit.
The Competitor's Literal English Prose Crib
Oh Ola, Ola, my dearest one,
Why did you leave me with this heavy sorrow?
I never thought you would bother
To fool me, you could see I was young. (2)
And many tears have rolled down my cheeks,
I thought my mind would snap.
And I have cried as many tears
As there are days in a thousand years. (2)
Oh Love, it can bring you sorrow,
God help the one who has to try it.
Oh Love, it burns so fiercely,
It hurts much worse than anyone knows. (2)
Commentary by the Top Secret Yodeler
Each verse of the original presents a couplet of feminine rhymes. The first line places the two rhymed syllables on different notes, while the second line places them on the same pitch.
In the translation, all the rhymes are masculine (one-syllable), so in the second line of each verse I stretched out the word for a longer value. This wasn't a problem for me, but I think it gives a slightly different feel than the extra syllable in the line-ends of the original.
Conversely, there is an extra, unstressed syllable slipped into the translation's S1L2 ("Why have you gone
and left me here alone?"), S2L1 ("And down my cheeks
so man-y tears have run,"), S2L2 ("God help the one
who lets it in his heart."), S2L3 ("Oh Love, it burns
more fiercely as it grows.") and S3LL4-5 ("It hurts much more
than an-y-bod-y knows." [repeated]). There's also a missing unstressed syllable between "so" and "many" in S2L3 ("And I have cried so many tears.")
These metrical variations didn't bother me. In fact, I thought their presence in the final lines was particularly effective, as if the narrator is too distraught by that point to be held back by the meter. I'm just noting the discrepancies in case they bother other listeners.
Commentary by Top Secret Distinguished Guest:
The simple language of folksongs limits the choices of a translator, because the audience must believe that the diction is plausible for a narrator who may not be very educated -- a situation which, as the educated sometimes forget, has more to do with a lack of opportunity than a lack of intelligence or insightfulness.
The plain-spokenness of this translation conveys raw, unadorned heartbreak. I
believe this narrator. He or she is a real person to me for the space of the song, and I care about his or her anguish.
I can't help contrasting this song with the exquisitely mannered laments of Bake-off Dish D (Two songs with "Alas, alas!"). There is no question that "I pine away night and day", with all its internal rhymes, requires more virtuosic finesse to translate; yet the narrator of this simpler song seems more devastated by the experience.
Genuine emotional impact is nothing to sneer at, however plain a poem's fabric may seem. Many people would say that emotional impact is what poetry is all about. (I think it's about other things, too, but emotional impact is one of the biggies.)
Sometimes, keeping things simple but effective can be virtuosic in is own quiet way.
The Top Secret Yodeler mentioned the metrical variations. I have mixed feelings about these myself. The variations do make for more natural-sounding expression, which is an important consideration. However, the sheer number of them in this translation disguises the original timing; also, when variations become commonplace in a poem, each instance seems less remarkable, and therefore less dramatic.
In the case of this song, though, I think the positives of the variations outweigh the negatives. Others may disagree.
I would suggest changing "so many tears / as" to the more colloquial (for me) "as many tears / as" in S2.
Bake-off Dish F--"Oh, Ola, Ola..."
Linear Mode
