[Roger Slater]

The Vampire Who Lost his False Teeth

A vampire called Vince wasn't happy, poor chappy –—
His dentures just couldn't be found.
Life's not exciting if you can't go biting,
So he searched and he searched all around.
He looked in his bed and he looked underneath,
The vampire who lost his false teeth.

It is no easy thing to be ruthless but toothless.
For a vampire like Vince it's no joke.
He knew at some juncture he'd need them to puncture
The neck of an innocent bloke.
Because everyone quakes when a bloodsucker comes,
But nobody's frightened of gums.

Vince missed his teeth so, for his choppers were whoppers.
He felt gloomy, and sad and appalled.
And was near desperation until with elation
He all of a sudden recalled –—
He'd lent them last week to his great-uncle Keith!
Now the vampire has found his false teeth!
Hooray!

The vampire has found his false teeth!
Look out!

And he's coming for you with his teeth!
Oh no!
.
.

[Roger Slater]

J. Patrick Lewis:

Strong children’s poems like 7 often benefit from illustration.I can see “The Vampire...” evoked by the wacky Quentin Blake or Adam Rex. Though it suffers from occasional jagged rhythm, children hooked on vampires won’t mind.

[Seree Zohar]

love it, just love it. What an oddball idea. Just imagine giving the kiddo a set of vampire teeth and black cloak and having the child chase after you when the teeth can go back in!! Hilarious.

[Janice D. Soderling]

What Seree said. Just remove the "so" from S3L1 (which I'm guessing was an error anyway) and it is fine in every way. Absolutely delightful.

What a fun event!

[Richard Meyer]

There's some ghoulish fun here, and monsters make entertaining subjects for children's verse. The meter and rhythm are flawed in several places, however, and this weakens the poem. In my view, metrical variation is less desirable in children's verse or light verse than it is in more serious poetry.

For example, in S1 the line Life's not exciting if you can't go biting stumbles in my ear. A simple improvement would be to add another half foot: Life's not exciting if you can't go on biting.

This verse is an OK effort, but it's rather far down on my list of favorites thus far.

Richard

[Jayne Osborn]

I love it. It's really whacky and kids would love it too, I'm sure.

These lines are simply marvellous:

He knew at some juncture he'd need them to puncture
The neck of an innocent bloke.
Because everyone quakes when a bloodsucker comes,
But nobody's frightened of gums.

I agree with Richard that it's a tad wobbly in places; it could do with that final 'polish'.

[Cally Conan-Davies]

This is the one, so far, that I'd most love to perform for a child! It's hilarious scarious, and fantastic fun to say out loud!

Cally

[Catherine Chandler]

Great rhymes and rhythm -- a real performance piece. Love the ending. And vampires are so in these days.

[R. Nemo Hill]

I'm with Richard on this one. It OK, but it settles pretty far down on my list--and I agree that the flaws in the rhythm are not child-friendly. On the whole, I got bored by the end.

I suppose, as a child, I would however have loved the license given to me at the end to ghoulishly scream and horse-around until my parents finally had to tell me "Enough!"

Nemo

[Marybeth Rua-Larsen]

I like the conceit, and I think it will appeal to children, but it goes on a bit long for me, and I would enjoy it more if the meter was a bit smoother. Inventive, though.

Marybeth