[Catherine Chandler]

The Way It Ended


So time went by and they were middle-aged,
which seemed a crazy joke that time had played
on two young lovers. They were newly caged
canary birds - amused, not yet afraid.

A golden anniversary came around
where toasts were made and laughing stories told.
The lovers joined the laugh, although they found
the joke – but not themselves – was growing old.

She started losing and forgetting things.
Where had she left her book, put down her comb?
Her thoughts were like balloons with broken strings.

Daily he visited the nursing home
to make her smile and keep her in their game.
Death came at last. But old age never came.

Comment by Mr. Gwynn:

The regularity of the meter makes me want to read l. 5 as “A golden anniversary came round”; this is the only place I stumbled. The logic of the first stanza bothered me a little. “They were newly caged / canary birds” works with “two young lovers,” but the main sense of the quatrain is that they are now middle-aged. And since the metaphor of the birds dominates, “amused, not yet afraid” can’t refer to the birds but to the young lovers, who aren’t young anymore. If they’ve passed the golden anniversary, they must be in their 70s, which sort of puts the lie to the final line.

[Catherine Chandler]

I love so many aspects of this sonnet. Let me count the ways . . .

I love the way it begins in medias res, and how the themes of passing time and death are present throughout.

I love the haunting metaphor of the canary birds (we all know what they were used for!) and the simile of the old woman’s thoughts as “balloons with broken strings".

Most of all I love the way the poet has shown the various stages of the game of life up to and including the tender duplicity of the woman’s husband in lines 12 and 13.

A powerful, moving, expertly crafted sonnet.

[Chris O'Carroll]

"If they’ve passed the golden anniversary, they must be in their 70s, which sort of puts the lie to the final line."

But surely "old age never came" isn't meant as a literal statement of fact. It means that they never felt old, that their love never experienced the decrepitude that snuck up on their bodies, that they always related to each other like those two young lovers mentioned in the first quatrain.

[E. Shaun Russell]

Literal or no, I also scowl at the penultimate line of "old age never came". Everything in the poem seems to point at old age finally arriving -- the joke getting stale, the dementia / Alzheimer's setting in, their literal age... All of this invalidates the final line for me.

I also find some flaws in other images. I don't know if I'd ever consider newly caged canary birds "amused", which weakens that particular metaphor. I stumble over the grammar of L8, long-hyphens notwithstanding. I'm wanting to read it as "were" instead of "was".

Overall, I think the trope is good, and the intention is pretty clear, but the actual crafting of the poem leaves much to be desired, in my opinion.

[Philip Quinlan]

L8 should be "jokes" plural, I think, to make sense. And, of course, it would need to be "were" not "was".

This has a so-so ho-hum feel about it.

The two "came"s in the last line make the line fall flat.

Not earth-shaking.

Philip

[Richard Meyer]

The poem seems more expository than experiential, and therefore it is less effective for me.

Richard

[Jean L. Kreiling]

There's much to admire in this sonnet, but I agree with other posters that it has some unfortunate bumps (especially L8).

I disagree with the crit about "came" appearing twice in the last line; I think that's part of the fairly effective punch of that line.

A thoughtful poem, maybe not quite finished.

Best,
Jean

[Pedro Poitevin]

Once again, I remember the poem, but I don't remember the author. (We should have an Eratosphere equivalent of Bourbaki.)

There's much to love, but also a few things to dislike, about the final tercet. I like to see both the tenderness of the husband and the hint of his relief (Death came at last). I don't like the rhyme game/came at all-- it feels as though the word "game" is there just for the rhyme; the word seems disconnected from the rest of the poem. I would have preferred something referring to the first quatrain's memorable "not yet afraid."

Once again, as a reader of poetry, not a critic, my first response is to be touched. And this is good. As critics we spend a lot of time dissecting the means by which a poem achieves (or fails to achieve) an emotional response. As readers, the response is either there or it isn't. This one grabs me, though not as much as sonnet #1.

Pedro.

[Spindleshanks]

I hesitated, too, on "joke" and "was" until I realised "joke" refers, not to the laughing stories, but to the "crazy joke" of S1 inflicted on them by time—advancing age. They played the game to the end: not allowing age to impact on their youth.
It's a lovely story, and the craft is evident in the carefully observed syntax.

"the joke—but not themselves—was growing old." Clever ambiguity that rewards a careful read.

Peter

[Jim Burrows]

Do actual canaries go through a period of perceptible amusement before it hits home that theirs is a life sentence? Just wondering. "canary in a coal mine" will be popping up in readers' minds, and the poem's metaphor is not strong enough, or too confused, to contend with those associations. The ending is maudlin. It's competent, it has a nice sound at times, the writer is obviously talented. But somehow both of these first two sonnets seem cowed and bested by their subjects, and after reading them, I'm starting my day feeling grumpy and young.