[Michael Juster]

From the collection Lökar i November (November bulbs), 1963

Kvinnor vid klagomuren – Ebba Lindqvist


Women at the Wailing Wall

Forgive us, Master,
but we couldn't find a time slot.
We, too, wanted to wash your feet,
like the Magdalene.
We, too, wanted to listen to your parables,
like Mary.
But we couldn't fit it into our schedule.
Like Martha, we have to fix supper
when we come home in the evening,
and like her, we gripe that nobody lends a hand.
In your country,
lots of women were milling around,
and even today, they seem to find time.
But where we live,
we have to play all the roles,
it's a one-woman act—
we're Martha and Mary,
the Magdalene and the Madonna,
also the vineyard keeper and the handyman,
and in our spare time, the breadwinner.
Forget the lilies of the field!
Our lives are nothing like theirs.
Anyway, lilies are in short supply,
and you won't find them standing in the fields.
All the Magdalenes in this country
are schooled in podiatrics,
and have spent years learning the art
of hair dressing.
You'd have to book weeks in advance.
Martha is a home economics teacher now.
She's ready to drop when she gets home.
A woman's life is different these days,
over here.
Sorry, Master, but we are just are too tired.
We, too, wanted to wash your feet …
really we did.





Kvinnor vid klagomuren

Förlåt oss, Mästare,
att vi inte orkar!
Också vi ville två dina fötter
som Magdalena.
Också vi ville lyssna till dina ord
som Maria.
Men vi har inte tid.
Såsom Marta lagar vi mat,
när vi kommer hem,
och såsom hon klagar vi över att ingen hjälper oss.
I ditt land
fanns så många kvinnor till hands,
och än i dag har di tid.
Men här i vårt land
måste vi spela alla roller
på en gång:
one woman's show ---
Marta och Maria,
Magdalena och moder,
och dessutom vingårdsman och dagakarl
och familjeförsörjare på lediga stunder.
Säg ingenting om liljorna på marken!
Det är inget för oss.
Det är ont om liljor,
och de växer sällan på marken.
Magdalena i vårt land
har gått igenom kurser i fotvård
och många års utbildning i konsten
att sköta ett hår.
Man måste beställa tid långt i förväg.
Marta är skolkökslärarinna.
Hon är dödstrött, när hon kommer hem.
Allt är så annorlunda ... nuförtiden ...
och här i vårt land.
Förlåt oss, Mästare, att vi inte orkar!
Vi ville så gärna två dina fötter ...
också vi.


 
Crib:

Forgive us, Master,
that we are too tired to go on.
Also we wanted to wash your feet,
like Magdalena.
Also we wanted to listen to your words
like Maria.
But we don't have time.
Like Martha
we cook the food,
when we come home,
and like her we complain that no one helps.
In your country,
there were so many women available.
and even today they have time.
But here in our country
we have to play all the roles
at the same time:
one woman's show—(sic)
Martha and Mary
Magdalena and mother,
and also the vineyard keeper and the day laborer
and the breadwinner/head of the household in our spare time / free time
Say nothing about the lilies of the field!
That is not for us.
Lilies are scarce.
and they seldom grow in the ground.
The Magdalenas in our country
have taken courses in podiatry (UK chiropody)
and have many years of education in the art
of hairdressing.
You have to make an appointment a long time in advance.
Martha is a home economics teacher.
She is dead tired when she gets home.
Everything is so different…nowadays…
and here in our country.
Forgive us, Master, that we cannot manage any more! /can't go on any longer!
we would have been only too pleased to wash your feet..
also we.



*****************************


This is a fascinating poem from a poet overlooked in the US. For me, the weakness in this translation is that it sometimes tries too hard--the literal works quite well in lines where the translator seems determined to put more into it. It's a rare problem, but something you will see sometimes when poems are essentially a narrative or a dramatic monologue.

l.4 I'm guessing the translator is not American (not that there's anything wrong with that...). The phrase "the Magdalene" would be unfamiliar to most Americans--I think the translator is stuck with "Mary Magdalen" (both here and throughout).

l.9 The phrase "in the evening" struck me as expendable padding.

l.12 The phrase "milling around" seems wrong here; the crib's "were available" seems truer to the tone/flow.

l.16 I'd prefer the "show" from the original text--after all, she did use the English here. And what happened to "at the same time"?

l.19 I think "handyman" wrongly inserts a sense of a tinkerer here; I'd keep open the tie-in with the agricultural reference and use "laborer" or something like that.

l.22 The crib is pithier and more accurate.

l.23 The insertion of "Anyway" strikes me as laconic where the rhythm change is abrupt.

l.24 I'd drop "standing" and change 'the" to "our."

l.26 No one in America would recognize "podiatrics"--we'd say podiatry (speaking as one who has had four recent and progressively invasive assaults on a plantar's wart). If the terminology reflects a division by the pond, I'd find a phrase describing treatment of the feet.

ll. 31-32 I think the crib is superior to the translation here.

[David Rosenthal]

I like this a lot. I think it rolls at the right pace and has a strong N voice. Count me as one American who'd have no problem with "the Magdalene." Not much trouble with "podiatrics" either, though I think "podiatry" is better.

I am not much qualified to judge the translation per se, though I do think "handyman" doesn't get the same idea as "day laborer," and I think I would have stayed with "mother" in L18. I also think I might agree generally with Michael about L22-24, and L31.

David R.

[Ann Drysdale]

I see no problem with The Magdalene - I can see, though, that if you tried to adapt it for American folks as Michael suggests, you'd end up with too many Maries and this could truly confuse the issue.

I love the shape of this in the original (another language I do not have) and can see that this has been faithfully followed in the translation, which reads beautifully aloud - those line-breaks practically spoke for themselves when I tried it out. Pace-perfect. Much enjoyed.

[Maryann Corbett]

Just for the record, this America has zero problems with "The Magdalene."

[Seree Zohar]

I wonder when this poem was written? I loved this line: Martha is a home economics teacher.
~ Stewart. heh

no probs with 'the Magdalene' or podiatry.

All in all this is a very enjoyable piece. [got tired just listening to them gripe! is that what our kids hear? sheesh]

I need to ponder the 'in your country/in our country' references.... but that has less to do with the translation per se. And I love the title....

the third last line says 'sorry' and the crib says 'forgive us'. There IS a difference between them as far as intent: is the crib precise? And in light of the fact that the women are doing all jobs, I also prefer 'laborer' rather than a word containing 'man'; would 'Jill of all trades' would be too much of a stretch?

nice one.
a dictionary lady piece?

[Susan McLean]

I like the poem and think the translation has a great voice. A few small details struck me. In L2, maybe "we couldn't find the time." "Time slot" sounds too business oriented to me. In the last two lines I miss the conditional and think it would have been great to end on "we too." "Lots of women were milling around" is an odd image, sounding very aimless. I did not get that impression from the crib.

Susan

[Roger Slater]

I like this as well. I don't know if the original leaves any scope for making the poem any funnier or letting the sarcasm drip more abundantly, but if it does, I think I'd like to take it a bit in that direction. If it doesn't, though, it's quite good as it is.

[Birthe Myers]

This is wonderfully clever, both the poem and the translation. The translation does the poem justice, but I read the original as having a naïve, ever so slightly whining, self defensive hint, while the translation’s N has the voice of an efficient professional woman.

We couldn’t find a time slot is fun, but not what a harassed, overtired and sincerely apologetic woman would say. She would say, forgive us, we just can’t handle one more thing, or as the crib says it,…. we are too tired.
There is no word for orker in English, and the poem’s version is as correct as the crib’s, it is just a matter of one’s image of the N.

I love the one over here in place of here in our country, though the repetition of here in our country is a part of the sweetness in the original.
I don’t see the necessity for adding the to Magdalena, and for changing mother to the Madonna. The N says Marta och Maria,
Magdalena och moder.

Vingårdsman means husbandman, there are no vineyards in 'our country', i. e. Sweden.

I think it could be funnier – the original is a little less dry and a little more short of breath than the translation.

[Janice D. Soderling]

Thanks everyone who commented this poem. I have got a lot of very useful feedback. I learn something new every single time I post a translation here. Thx esp to Michael who, in another thread, told me what I should have known, but didn't. All future subs of translations will put the attribution at the bottom.

I can immediately see the truth of Mike's comments that the translation tries too hard in places, that is a weakness of mine. (I thought Susan McL had taught me better a long time ago.) I'll try to pay special attention to this weakness in future translations. In short, I can agree with just about all Mike's crit except not to use "the Magdalene". "Madonna" is wrong, very wrong.

The critical points taken up by the commenters are helpful as well.
Thanks to all. I think I can make this publishable now.

[Janice D. Soderling]

Thanks everyone who commented this poem. I have got a lot of useful feedback. I learn something new every single time I post a translation here. Thx esp to Michael who, in another thread, told me what I should have known about attribution, but didn't. All future subs of translations will put the attribution at the bottom.

I can immediately see the truth of Mike's comments that the translation tries too hard in places, that is a weakness of mine. (I thought Susan McL had taught me better a long time ago.) I'll try to pay special attention to this weakness in future translations. In short, I can agree with just about all of Mike's crit except not to use "the Magdalene". "Madonna" is wrong, very wrong.

The critical points taken up by the commenters are helpful as well.
Thanks to Mike and all who commented. I think I can make this publishable now.