[John Whitworth]

8.

Station, Jubilee Line

The smell’s annoying and the noise is loud;
It sports graffiti here and there, beneath
Its coats of city grit—and that is just the crowd
Who’ve rushed or trudged to fill this gleaming sheath,

Which takes off in a hush of whirring metal.
Across from me, one glum old gent, alone,
Ignores our bright bough’s freshest, wettest petal,
A girl who’s just been jilted via phone.

But when she sobs, his handkerchief is offered;
Her seatmate, who’s been buried in her map,
Says, “He’s not worth it, Dear.” A hug is proffered.
We also serve, who only mind the gap

And light her way with smiles at Southwark station.
As someone's cell phone plays “Amazing Grace”
I almost feel we’ve all earned dispensation
And may arrive at some same, better place.

[Catherine Chandler]

My favorite (or favourite ) so far. Love the musicality, the great rhymes, the literary references, the double entendres, to whit - the wit. But above all, the way the poem invites one into the subway car to witness the unfolding scene. Simply lovely!

[Susan McLean]

I remember this one and like it, but I am a bit bothered by the extra foot in L3. No comma is needed or desirable in L12. I particularly enjoy the allusions to Milton and Pound.

Susan

[David Anthony]

One of my favourites so far.
There's so much poetic potential in the London Underground's admonition to mind the gap.
Like Susan I'm bothered by the extra foot in L3: I can't see the point of it. Also I think 'on the phone' would sound more natural than 'via phone'.

[Rick Mullin]

If it weren't for that extra foot in line 3, this thing would fall apart.

As it is, however, I think it's quite good.

RM

[Lance Levens]

I wonder if the literary allusions are hinting at something more. As it stands, I like the piece. A brief, emotion-rich narrative unfolded at a leisurely pace.

[Maryann Corbett]

This little moment of salvation warms me. If that makes me sentimental, so be it. "We also serve..." is especially nice.

That longer line doesn't bother me for being longer, because it's so very regular that I know it's a deliberate choice. It does bug me slightly that it becomes longer by having the only non-contracted form ("that is") in the whole poem.