[Kevin Andrew Murphy]

Just playing around poetry sites today and came across the kyrielle, which I think I've seen examples of before, but I've never actually heard named. It seems someone has even devised the kyrielle sonnet , and given my fondness for tetrameter and medieval forms, I wrote one, of the traditional sort.

I've well maxed out my deep end limits for the moment, and I'm pretty pleased with this anyway, but I was wondering if folk wanted to play along as we did with the ballade thread.

Here's mine:


Hellebore

The garden of the venefice
was granted as a benefice
by Winter’s crown, for there earth bore
the witch’s rose, black hellebore.

The maiden Madelon once chose
to bring no gift, and so this rose
arose amidst the frost and hoar,
the witch’s rose, black hellebore.

Like henbane of the common men,
a single grain could kill a hen;
a greater measure slew much more,
the witch’s rose, black hellebore.

So there it grew, in Winter’s shade,
the venefice’s stock-in-trade,
as white as snow outside her door,
the witch’s rose, black hellebore,

until one day a fateful slip
as her own poison passed her lip
and there she lay. Her breast soon wore
the witch’s rose, black hellebore.

[Terese Coe]

Kevin

Perhaps you won't mind some comments on the form, which isn't germane to what I'm working on now, though you've made it interesting.

The form suits your medieval theme; the poem has charm, but needs more work.

"Venefice," the art or practice of poisoning, is labelled "obsolete." I guess its obsoleteness is irrelevant in a medieval poem, but the rhyme still feels a bit forced. Interesting how close it is to "venery" (and equally interesting that the Latin roots of the words are "poison" and "love/desire," only one letter, or two, providing the difference).

"Winter's crown"? I can guess, but I wish it were more clear to begin with.

In S2, I think the reader needs to know to what occasion Madelon brought "no gift." Death by poisoning seems a little harsh as a punishment for forgetting the gift, no? But suitably medieval. Still, this would work far better if you had more room to play and could flesh out the story. At present the form is too short for the material.

S3L1-2: "hen," especially in proximity with "henbane," is kitsch, if that's what you're looking for.

S3: "many more" refers to numbers, not "much more."

Black hellebore is white? So then is white hellebore black?

This is musical and provocative, and I hope to see it again with more added to it!

Terese

[EREME]

The poet bows his head to weep.
He does not eat, he does not sleep.
Three days have passed, three days of hell -
Will no-one write a kyrielle?

He wrings his hands, he tears his hair,
His eyes are wild, his thread is bare.
Where now his erstwhile clientele?
Will no-one write a kyrielle?

Despairingly he scans his sphere -
A rondeau there, a sonnet here,
Another bloody villanelle -
Will no-one write a kyrielle?

Poetically woebegone,
His "Kyrielle, ele-i-son"
Re-echoes like a passing bell.
(Will no-one write a kyrielle?)



[This message has been edited by EREME (edited January 28, 2004).]

[Kevin Andrew Murphy]

EREME,

Thanks. That made me laugh.


Terese,

Here's a verse to add after S2 of mine:

where Gabriel, the hand of God,
had took his sword and split the sod
to give the bairn that men adore
the witch’s rose, black hellebore.

which gives a bit more detail to the legend, which makes about as much sense as most other medieval Christian miracles.

Hellebore is named black after the roots.

[EREME]

Had took, Kevin?

[Jerry Glenn Hartwig]

Kevin

Thanks for the links.

I did note on the second link, Payne didn't follow the eight syllable form, but four beats.

Jerry

[Susan McLean]

Very funny kyrielle, Joan. I particularly enjoyed the pun on "Kyrie."

Susan

[EREME]

Thanks, Susan! Actually, my poetry bible tells me that the name Kyrielle is in fact short for Kyrie Eleison, and in its original form it was a hymn with octosyllabic lines. (I've just found that!)
Joan

[epigone]

Originally posted by Susan McLean:
Very funny kyrielle, Joan. I particularly enjoyed the pun on "Kyrie."

Susan

Ditto

[Kevin Andrew Murphy]

Okay, took Terese's crits and made a new version, dropping out the henbane and adding more of the Christmas legend.

Hellebore

(a kyrielle)

The garden of the venefice
was granted as a benefice
by Winter’s crown, for there earth bore
the witch’s rose, black hellebore.

The maiden Madelon once chose
to bring no gift, and so this rose
arose amidst the frost and hoar,
the witch’s rose, black hellebore.

Where Gabriel, the hand of God,
had touched his trumpet to the sod
before the bairn that men adore,
the witch’s rose, black hellebore,

arose, a white and wintry jewel,
just like the star that crowned that yule,
a herald for el salvador,
the witch’s rose, black hellebore.

Yet like the angel’s trumpet this
fair little flower held a kiss
of Death, a fatal poison store,
the witch’s rose, black hellebore.

So there it grew, in Winter’s shade,
the venefice’s stock-in-trade,
as white as snow outside her door,
the witch’s rose, black hellebore,

until one day a fateful slip
as her own poison passed her lip
and there she lay. Her breast soon wore
the witch’s rose, black hellebore.


Can we get any more of these? Ereme's still has me laughing.