[David Anthony]

POETRY WORKSHOP COMMENTS: A short glossary

I'd like to hear that again = I was half asleep with boredom.
That's your best one yet = They're all rubbish.
I'm sure that should be published = You'll never find a publisher.
If you left out the first two and last two lines and reworked stanza four
= Scrap it.
Where did you get that idea? = Rubbish.
The language is so unusual in this poem = The language is grammatically
and syntactictically incomprehensible.
How many have you written in this sequence? =It's remarkably boring.
Did that actually happen? = What a sordid life you must lead.
You've captured the whole scene = It's overworded and prosy.
That's a prizewinner = But, no chance.
You're good at that kind of thing = None of us understand it.
That's very sad = You're so depressing.
Do you have any more like this? = Burn them.
You've obviously spent some time on that = You've killed the whole idea.
When did you write that one? = obviously one of your early efforts.
That's an unusual approach = It's totally unintelligible.
Your "voice" is really in that poem = Same old monotonous verbiage.
James Hall Thomson

[Jan D. Hodge]

Withdrawn

[This message has been edited by Jan D. Hodge (edited October 06, 2006).]

[Roger Slater]

David, I can't think of anything to add to your glossary so I'll follow Jan's lead and post an oldie of mine that's sort of in the same vein.

DEEP END CRITIQUE

I like this very much, but you should cut
everything that follows stanza three,
maybe change the second yet to but,
eliminate that pompous royal we,
then think about the meter. Are you sure
those anapests you favor don't create
a sort of sing-song bounciness that pure
iambic verse could help you mitigate?
You might just try this as a villanelle,
or better yet, a series of haikus.
Remember, poet: always show, don't tell.
And there's a ton of padding here I'd lose.
I've seen your other work and thus surmise
this poem will turn out great -- once you revise.

[Rose Kelleher]

My favorite is "your best one yet." Whenever someone says, "That one's my favorite of yours" or "It's one of your best" I always think, "Yeah, but technically, that doesn't mean it doesn't suck, does it?"

How about:

This is a recurring theme for you = Oh no, not that again...

A complex, challenging piece = Huh?

Something about S3 just doesn't ring true = Poser!

[Jon H. Rydne]

Roger,

some fine points here. It's poignant. Only nit
would be your choice of form: the sonnet. Let
it go. Compress and focus: It’s a bit
longish. Maybe rewrite it in tet?
That thumping IP pulse: Give it a rest.
In sum: This draft is not among your best.

Regards,
Jon H.


(Seriously: Good one, Roger!)

[Yolanda Cruz]

This is so complex = I don't understand a damn word.

You have such a unique view. = Boy, you're weird.

Interesting... = It sucks.

[Richard Wakefield]

You know, Yeats deals with this theme in _____ = For God's sake let's discuss some real poetry for a while!
RPW

[Michael Cantor]

From the Critter

Apologies for coming to this one so late = I couldn't understand the poem until I read the other crits.

This is too good to drop down the Board so quickly = I hope you realize you owe me one.


And From the Poet

I will keep your comments in mind for the rewrite = Actually, I believe it's perfect as is.

Constructive criticism only, please = if anybody says anything bad about my poem, I will whine for a week.

Elitist attitude = critique that points out problems with grammar, syntax, spelling and punctuation

Fair and thoughtful critique = pat on the back

That's intriguing, and I want to think about it for a while = I don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about, and I suspect you're a crackpot; but on the chance that others may agree with you, I'll stall for a while and see what they say, and maybe I can figure it out then.

Thank you for commenting = Screw you!



[This message has been edited by Michael Cantor (edited July 07, 2005).]

[grasshopper]

I'll wait to see what others think of this.=My brain is on extended loan to the local hospital.
I have read this poem several times.= I just couldn't believe it the first time.
This reminds me of an early Tuscan poem by Roberto di Guccietti-Follicle= Look upon my reading list, ye Mighty, and tremble!
I've written a poem on a similar theme = I'll email it to you to show you how it should be done.
O, you naughty man, is this poem about little Me? = I may not know much about poetry, but my skirt is really tight.
I liked this because my niece is called Frances, like the cat in the poem = Where am I?
This is far and away the best poem I've read here for months.= The rest of you pathetic hacks suck big time.


Regards, Maz

[This message has been edited by grasshopper (edited July 06, 2005).]

[Mark Allinson]

Right, Michael, so next time you thank us for commenting, we will have the correct translation

Roger,

I really like your piece, except, isn't it the other way around, that it's the "pure iambic verse" which produces the sing-song effect - the "iambic stomp", which the anapests help dissipate?

This is fun - I will make a note book of all these translations from euphemism, and consult it while reading crits.



------------------
Mark Allinson