[Paddy]

XXXY

The horny old magpie soared through the sky
To spy what he could with his beady keen eye
He saw on a branch a little blue tomtit
And swooped swiftly down to have his way with it
As the tomtit arose to shake out its feathers
The tomtit chirped while preening its nethers

“I’m a little blue tomtit
who’s had a little bit
and I enjoyed it”

The magpie still horny soared through the sky
To spy what he could with his beady keen eye
He saw on a branch the most beautiful dove
And swooped on down to make mad passionate love
As the dove arose to shake out its feathers
It chirped in a song while preening its nethers

“I’m a little dove
who got a bit of love
and I enjoyed it”

The horny old magpie with two he had mated
Testosterone appetite would never be sated
And while the magpie soared through the sky
To spy what he could with his beady keen eye
He saw on the earth there waddled a duck
And swooped on down to try yet his luck
As the duck arose to shake out its feathers
It said with a quack while preening its nethers

“I’m a drake
and you made a big mistake
but I enjoyed it”



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I guess one becomes content with one’s poetry when one opens the book ten years hence and does NOT exclaim, “Did I really write this?” © Paddy Randell

[Kevin Corbett]

Bigger Than Jesus


John Lennon, next in line at heaven's gate
And looking nervous all throughout the wait,

Approached the lofty throne where Jesus sat
And got so skitsh, well, he nearly shat.

"Good Christ, forgive me for my youthfull boasting,
And send me not into thy endless roasting,"

He pleaded. Jesus answered, "You may snigger
And laugh on earth, supposing that you're bigger,

But now we'll see whose got the bigger--Quick,
Somebody go and fetch a measuring stick."


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In the last line, "measuring" should be pronounced with the ellision, "meas'ring".



[This message has been edited by kevincorbett (edited October 15, 2002).]

[Roger Slater]

PATIENT REDNECK

A redneck, feeling sick, went to the doctor,
who said, once he had looked the redneck over,
"I can't tell what is wrong. Perhaps it's whiskey?"
The redneck said, "I'll come back when you're sober."


[This message has been edited by Roger Slater (edited October 29, 2002).]

[Roger Slater]

SHIT HAPPENS


As Jack and Elmo walked along the shore,
watching the graceful flight of a passing bird
that sometimes hovered, sometimes seemed to soar,
the damn gull slimed poor Jack with a gob of turd.

"There's toilet paper in the car. I'll get it,"
said Elmo to the birdshit-splattered Jack,
who answered, "You're too kind, but just forget it.
The bird will be long gone when you get back!"

[Carol Taylor]

I'm pushing this and the original thread back up so people can read what we've already got, since we are getting a number of duplications. We are going to redraft Volume I with the best poems from both threads as well as the new thread on General Talk.

Carol