[Jerome Betts]

While trying to discover whether Laurence Eusden, Poet Laureate 1718-30, really ended up as a drunken parson (unfortunately, despite what the latest DNB says, it looks as though he did) I came across the American poet Henry Taylor's Brief Candles, a collection of clerihews, which contains one on all the Laureates up to Betjeman, as far as I can see. For example:

Laurence Eusden
is said to have abused an
embarrasing quantity of sack:
it got so bad people quit keeping track.

The current incumbent's name is easier to rhyme on:

Carol Ann Duffy
Was sad to be less famous than Buffy
Till 600 bottles of sherry
Made her exceedingly merry.

I'm sure somebody can do better than that, and anyone fancy finding a rhyme for Padel?

[Martin Parker]

NEW LAUREATE

The Sisterhood will think it good
that their Ms. Duffy got it;

and all of those, we can suppose,
are glad a man's now not it.


(This will appear in the June Issue of Lighten Up Online -- though under a pseudonym.)

[John Whitworth]

Duffy
's not fluffy.
She cracks a joke
Like a bloke.

[Alexandra Oliver]

Brief Candles!What a fun book. We wrote several clarihews with Sam Gwynn at West Chester. Here are two--


Saint Augustine
Had never been
To Monte Carlo
With Jean Harlow.
(Or, at best,
It's unconfessed.)

The Venerable Bede
Had an ongoing need
For women in satin
(But only in Latin.)

[Marion Shore]

Carol Ann Duffy
proved women can write poetry as stuffy
as any man
can.


Carol Ann Duffy
accepted her award looking rather scruffy.
To those who complained, she said, with a tug at her bottle,
'What am I, a poet or a fashion model?'


Carol Ann Duffy
has a reputation for being something of a toughie.
Of course as Poet Laureate who's both female and newbie,
wouldn't you be?

[R. S. Gwynn]

Ruch Padel
Stimulated a lot of twaddle
Among well-meaning females
Trying to rationalize her emails.

[Alexandra Oliver]

Bingo, Dr. Gwynn!

[FOsen]

Carol Ann Duffy
(some said) was too chuffy
To be the gal Laureate,
Though some guy-ones were floriate.

Frank

[Mike Todd]

Carol Ann
Is not a man—
A nicety that prompted Blair
To motion for a time of prayer.

[Marion Shore]

Carol Ann Duffy
went around with eyes red and puffy.
Some said it was due to the death of her horse.
Others suggested a different source.

Carol Ann Duffy
has a cute little cat name Fluffy.
Sometimes the kitty likes to walk up and down
on the keyboard, thereby earning Carol's Laureate crown.

Carol Ann Duffy
spoke out in a tone quite huffy:
if those Eratosphere jokers continued to annoy her
with their slanderous jibes, they'd better get a lawyer.


Help! I can't stop...