[John Whitworth]

SKIDDOO, SKIDDON'T

Take a hike!
It’s time to scram,
to bust, to scoot,
to bolt, to jam,

to bail, to roll,
to skip, to blow,
to hit the road,
to fade, to go,

to split, push off,
make tracks, vamoose,
to beat it, boogie,
bounce, cut loose,

to flee, to break,
to flit, to fly,
to pearl, to jet,
to wave good-bye,

to ramble, toddle,
run, move on,
to quit the scene,
clear out, be gone,

to bug out, check out,
cut out, ditch.
Go on, pick one!
I don't care which.

Don't you hear me?
Once more, louder:
Kick it. Exit.
Take a powder.

Embark! Abscond!
Don't make me shout.
The door is open.
Quick, get out!

Flake off! Vanish!
Mount your saddle.
Be scarce! Withdraw!
Depart! Skedaddle!

Wait! You’re leaving?
Stop! Don't go!
I was kidding,
don't you know?

Not so fast!
Why not amble,
diddle, dabble,
shuffle, shamble,

hover, dally,
slough or poke?
Goodness! Can't you
take a joke?

What's your hurry?
Dawdle, drag,
saunter, fritter,
lollygag,

tarry, slacken,
traipse, move slow,
linger, loiter.
Just don't go!

[John Whitworth]

It is difficult to know what to say about this. Larkin said somewhere that his poetry was never popular among a certain sort of academic because it resisted exegesis. Once you had explained any references (and there weren’t many) there was nothing for the academic to DO – no course of lectures to explain things to a puzzled public.

And here it is obvious, isn’t it, what the poet is about. I can place in the tradition of Drayton’s sonnet (there, you see I can do it too), the poem that goes on and on saying the same thing until, just at the end, as you begin to think he doth protest too much. He proves you right and says just the opposite. So it’s a love poem, isn’t it?

I wonder how it would look as couplets (longer) rather than quatrains (shorter)?

Lollygag? LOLLYGAG? I don’t believe it

[Michael Cantor]

Naah! Too much one-trick-pony shtick - told to end it, the poem goes on interminably - and not enough artistry, not enough originality or snap in any of the injunctions. Dumping the thesaurus on the page, and blending it with an abcb rhyme and sloppy dimeter just gets boring - and while that, plus the all-too-human change of heart at the end, may be the point of the poem, it's not sufficiently pointed.

Re the abcb rhyme, I suppose an argument could be made that abab would be too mechanical in dimeter, too much of a jingle, and that the open first and third lines let the poem breathe a bit. I'm not sure. It probably depends on context. I would have preferred a more demanding abab rhyme scheme, fewer stanzas, and a more structurally layered and intricate poem - maybe even an increase in line length or shower of internal rhymes as the anger built, and something else structural (rhyme disappearing?) as the pleading grew.

[Rose Kelleher]

Arguably the length is the whole point, and the humor is in the overkill. For this reader, though, it starts to get old after about umpteen stanzas. I like Michael's idea of switching to ABAB, which would not only make it more fun to read, but would make it more difficult to write, which might help keep the length under control.

[Janice D. Soderling]

I remember this one. But it is longer than the last time I read it. I liked it more when it was shorter. Much more, but it is easier to cut than to add.

[Susan McLean]

I see it as a tour de force of playing with synonyms in the narrow confines of the dimeter. But I have to admit that it goes on a bit longer than is really welcome. The changes in direction toward the end help to make it interesting, but those changes could start sooner.

Susan

[Steve Bucknell]

This might work better in performance than on the page, you could ramp up the scatological language (according to audience). Reminds me of the Python's "Dead Parrot" sketch.

[Maryann Corbett]

I suspect this would work best for kids. They'd be most receptive to silliness-overkill, which is this poem's chief technique.

[Janet Kenny]

This is my least favourite so far although I think the joke is well handled.

[FOsen]

I agree with the suggestion to cut the non-rhyming lines and shorten this - I also thought the concluding turn went on too long.

Frank