Gunga Din As fractured by Julie Stoner

Though ‘eathen, ‘is virtues eclipse
Me own, as ‘e waters me lips.
        In Injia or ‘ell,
        ’E serves just as well,
But ‘ell ‘as a jar wot’s marked TIPS.

Gunga Dung As fractured by Jim Hayes

Yer a better man than I am Gunga Dung
wid yer telescopic tonsil-ticklin’ tongue,
        word abaht the Khyber pass
        sez that you can lick yer arse,
an’ yer draggin’ on the ground yer so well hung.