Hemmed by ‘leftish’ media dreams
Our man of Kent in terse verse wrote
Of Nigel, nuts and scribbled reams -
"A Rhymer He Would Never Quote."
While Nige Farage, whom he liked best,
Blared ever rightward – like the rest.

Switched off the telly, quit all social media, ditched the press
And found this country wasn't, after all, in such a mess.
My febrile mood cooled quickly, I clearly saw the answer:
Mind is the organ it torments, news the cancer.

Modern News Crews on US Television

All foxy, young, (most blond) take up
The talking chairs. With thicker makeup,
With skirts cut high, and liberal views
Of thighs between now low cut news;
Nothing so much improved a rating,
Or drew more glimpse from queued folks waiting.

Red faced or blue, each analyst
Out-shouts, not wits, a panel pissed.
I flipped it to the latest news talk
So lit and glossed, you'd swear a catwalk.
I overheard a loud mudslinger—
Fox News mistook for Jerry Springer.
As stuffed as Fox proved CNN
With Barbie-belles and anchor-Ken.
Those only air news monologues
With looks to match ad catalogs.

.

Limerick
 

A cake on a walk met a Trump
And ended up dumped from his rump.
Said Trump, I’m da man,
My shit’s in demand,
And he sold it to ebay’s next chump.

On eBay the item was not
A success for The Trump. He forgot
By the time it was sold
It would have gone cold
Thus denying the buyer ... the opportunity to get the beauty of it hot.


(The above is a form of ekphrasis, mirroring the subject's inability to know when to shut up.)

D. Chump Campaighn
 

Trump saw the Bull and took the horns;
The horns took Trump into the thorns.
The Trump mistook the State a cakewalk,
The State outrageous Trump as fake talk;
As when some novice ill-equipped,
Vaunts he’ll mount Ever’st, pompous-lipped,
But fools think might is just as boast is—
The rest see Trump as good as toast is.

.

Homeshopping for gifts in hd
Shit sells if its wrapped in tp.
There’s no Donald like Trump
For putting out gump
And fluting it out on tv.

Political Debate Questions We'd Like to Hear (but never will)
 

Asked Harry Reid of Donald Trump,
"When horny, tell us, do you hump?"
"It satisfies an urgent need,"
Said Donald Trump to Harry Reid.

I'm not for Donald Trump,
especially when he's on the stump.
I'm not for Hillary either
She's too much a seether.

1.

When the Donald gets up on the stumps,
He sneers, waves his arms, and harrumphs.
The way things now look
I expect his next book
May be aptly entitled, Mein Trumps.

2.

You think that the Donald has style?
He has charm? You don't think he is vile?
That's not what you'll say
On that soon-to-come day
When his backers start shouting Sieg Heil!