G'day to you, Mr. R. Swagman.
Parody's Nigel Holt's bag, man.
He's being our own Puckish wag, man.
(He teaches, you see - it's a drag, man)

I'd never censor you, nor would I trumpet
the cause of censorship. But who's the strumpet
who dragged us to the church each Sunday morn
and in the nineteen years since I've been born
(okay, well, thirty-five, but what's it matter?)
with harping, ceaseless years of moral chatter
has held her own example as a banner
for all with character of refined manner
who'd act in such a way that she's inspired?
I've come to see that woman is retired.
I never thought I'd live to see the time
when she would wallow in poetic slime.
It's not a mother I have, but a rapper.
Your moral teachings, Lady? In the crapper.

Love,
Sharon


(I'll add this disclaimer:
that I am no flamer.
...Some good-natured ribbing
at Mother's expense,

I find it quite odd, dear
to finally come here
and find her ad-libbing
in poetic tense.

At home, she's quite staunch. She
is not really raunchy!
All this "live and let living"
was unheard-of, hence.

It's not goose we're after
but well-deserved laughter;
as good as she's giving,
I mean no offense!)



[This message has been edited by Sharon (edited January 31, 2002).]

This board is quite deceptive in its folly.
I've double-posted yet again, by golly!

[This message has been edited by Sharon (edited January 31, 2002).]

I know not a 'bad' word,
Only uncouth ones.
Some ideas are bad,
As are most of my rhymes.
But some poets apparently think,
To be witty,
They have to use those words
All of the time.

If that's what I must do
For peer recognition,
Or for respect
from the powers that be,
Then all I can tell them is,
"Kiss my PATOOTIE!"
Or whatever else suits them
Down near my knees.

So use any word
That captures the feeling.
Use 'gob-shite' or 'ass-hole'
If you think that you ought to.
Masterbate freely
While scribing your curses,
But sometimes, methinks,
It's funnier - not to.

[This message has been edited by Robert Swagman (edited January 31, 2002).]

'Oops - forgive me,'
He added shyly,
'I forgot to
Add the http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/ubbhtml/smile.gif '

Though your verse is metrical,
and your repartee is true,
where are all the rhyme words, Robert?
In eight lines I count just two.

I was disappointed, Robert,
as I read beyond "patootie"
that there was no rhyme awaiting.
Wasn't it your solemn duty?

Still, your verse has charm, I'll grant you,
spritely wit that makes me smile.
There's just one thing: Robert, can't you
make it rhyme once in a while?

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're here.
I do not want to pick a feud!
I just love rhyme. I hope it's clear.
I am not trying to be rude.

I was pretty skilled at impaling worms on hooks
as a child growing up in South Decatur,
and this (I swear it's true!) is why my friends
stuck me with the nickname "Master Baiter".

(music)

[This message has been edited by bear_music (edited January 31, 2002).]

<font size=3>



Rhyming with Swagman is often off-course:
timing and consonance,
assonance, plosives, and--yes, of course:
miming the sounds of a http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/ubbhtml/smile.gif and
resonance peering through haze--


are occasionally required. It's a craze,
the occasional "being not right, but all wrong,
for a purpose." So smile, and begin your next song


backwards-to-front.
Lack words? So make them up.</pre>




[This message has been edited by Curtis Gale Weeks (edited January 31, 2002).]

Impaled worms and masturbation!
Now for nightmares of castration!

Are you sure, though, that your nickname
wasn't meant to be a sickname?

When your hands were full of "flounder"
were there always fish around ya?

Did you fish a lot in private?
A youth well spent, if you survive it.



[This message has been edited by Roger Slater (edited January 31, 2002).]

Egads, Roger! You're not rude.
Perish the thought. I'd not construed
Your heart-felt words, so aptly mew'd
As anything less than concern.

So Rodger, put your mind at ease,
But hearken to a lesson, please -
Quality's better than quantities.
Well, we all have something to learn.

[This message has been edited by Robert Swagman (edited February 01, 2002).]