The woods are lovely, dark and deep--
a perfect hideout for a creep.

Not so Great Expectations

Out of the hills of Habersham . . .*
What? It isn't Dickens? Damn!

*Lanier, "Song of the Chattahoochee"


Anticlimax

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord,
But having been to Circus, Circus, frankly I was bored.

[This message has been edited by Jan D. Hodge (edited May 04, 2006).]

O, I shouldn't but I can't resist....

That's my last Duchess painted on the wall.
It's time they scrubbed this toilet stall.

-------------------------------------------

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done--
They're calling, 'Come in, Number One!'

--------------------------------------------

It little profits that an idle king
should truss his crown jewels up with string.

---------------------------------------------

I dream of Jeanie with the light brown hair
peeking out from her underwear.

---------------------------------------------


Regards, Maz

Royal Prerogative

I am his highness' dog at Kew;
I pee where I choose. I thought you knew.


In Need of a Makeover

A sweet disorder in the dress;
Her hair-do too, a total mess.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impertinent brothers'-in-law behinds.


[This message has been edited by Robin-Kemp (edited May 13, 2006).]

Let us go then, you and I,
down to Eva's Diner for a slice of pie,
like a peach, and rhubarb even, if we're able.

Ralph La Rosa recently reminded me of this thread by reposting his compilation of Emily Dickinson tailgaters (see post #60 above).

I realize that the thread has been dead for eleven years, but it might be good to resurrect it just to add a little historical context for future scholars. Heh.

At the time that this thread was initiated, only moderators were allowed to post challenges to Eratosphere's time-wasting/writer's-block-beating FunExcise Board (now called Drills & Amusements, and focused mainly on competitions with monetary prizes). Moderators often had better things to do than think up ways to amuse the proletariat, so members would suggest challenges to moderators for reposting. To keep them from pestering the moderators with such fluff, members were eventually given the authority to initiate threads themselves.

I had seen Robert Mezey's "More Tailgaters" in Light: A Quarterly of Light Verse (Special Double Issue, Nos. 40-41, Spring-Summer 2003) a few months previously, and thought exploring that form might be a fun challenge for Eratosphereans, so I suggested it to Alicia. I used Mezey's title for the form.

I didn't know the origin of that name until years later. In a 2011 discussion of the form published on Lewis Turco's blog--in which several Eratosphereans participated--Robert Mezey mentioned "the pageful of them in my Collected Poems, which I called 'Tailgaters'—a name invented by Miller Williams. (William Cole published a bunch of his, calling them 'Uncoupled Couplets,' but I prefer 'tailgaters')." Mezey later added to that conversation, "Phyllis McGinley was writing tailgaters some 40 or 50 years ago — I can still recall one: When I have fears that I may cease to be, / I have another drink, or two, or three."

In post #4 of this thread, Mario Pita refers to Richard Armour's 1966 Punctured Poems: Famous First and Infamous Second Lines, containing what is obviously the same form. An article of dubious provenance (post-1975) salutes Armour, but also states, "Actually, this concept has been around awhile, and has been independently discovered by many people," before authors Mary J. Youngquist and Harry W. Hazard present some of their own.

Several tailgaters from this thread were published in Kate Bernadette Benedict's Bumbershoot Issue 1 (Winter 2006), grouped as "Tailgaters Mixer," "A Beer and a Bard," "Tailgaters Picnic," and "PG-13."

In 2012, Bob Schechter later suggested the form as a Washington Post Style Invitational (challenge posed here, results here). One contribution there pretty much sums up the essence of the form:

Rogerbob, might you be persuaded to post a compilation of all the contributions to this thread that you deleted for publication? I'd enjoy seeing them gathered in one spot.

Julie, I'll post what I have but I'm not sure most of them have stood the test of time.


Something there is that does not love a wall,
but when I crap I like a private stall.

I met a traveller from an antique land
and rifled through his trunk for contraband.

When in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I’ll have my lawyer claim the strumpet lies.

Turning and turning in the widening gyre,
My clothes are almost ready for the dryer.

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
Include three pigs who lured me to their sty.

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied.
But peeing does, it cannot be denied.

I celebrate myself, and sing myself.
And when I need a date, I bring myself.

'Tis better to be vile than vile esteemed,
And far more fun to sin than be redeemed.

My lov’d, my honour’d, much respected friend!
Have you a hundred dollars you could lend?

Had I the world’s embroidered cloths,
My nightmares would be filled with moths.

Earth has not anything to show more fair
Than Mary Shelley's derriere.

Mary had a little lamb
marinated in mint jam.

Look in the glass and tell the face thou viewest
the chickens of thy youth are home to roo-est.

I knew a woman, lovely in her bones,
until she ate too many scones.

Based on Song Lyrics:

She's the kind of girl you love so much it makes you sorry
When she takes off all her makeup and she looks like Peter Lorre.

The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.
(I had it fastened to my coat, but then it came unpinned).

And isn't it ironic . . . don't you think?
They served me gin and tonic . . . but I never drink.

In my mind I'm going to Carolina . . .
Where I will use the restroom marked "Vagina"

I am just a poor boy though my story's seldom told,
But now I'm rich and famous 'cause my records really sold.

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me.
I wish I didn't live above that goddam flashing film marquee.

It's a free ride when you've already paid.
It's a free stall, when you've already made.

It's a black fly in your chardonnay.
It's a Clooney clone who turns out to be gay.

The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls,
But yo' mama's phone number appears exclusively in bathroom stalls.

Roger,

IMHO, they have held up very well. Just the thing for the first really perfect spring day up in my neck of the woods.

1.
My Thinned Duchess

That’s my last Duchess painted on the wall:
My pulping her to paint has made her tall.

2.
The Fuse of Love

The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
Drives my flesh’s fiery fuse, love’s detonator.

3.
The Day before the Morning After

A sudden blow: the great wings beating still.
It’s Zeus, and I forgot to take my pill!

4.
A Son’s Revenge

They fuck you up, your mum and dad,
But he writes verse that ain’t so bad.

5.
Almighty Diction

Glory be to God for dappled things,
Contradictions every poet sings!

6.
The Rabble’s Revenge

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We hoped that one of us would shoot that clown.

7.
Interlocker

I am one acquainted with the night,
Like Dante, who got terza rima right.

8.
The Blond Assassin

I found a dimpled spider, fat and white:
Can it be frost that makes this morning rite?

9.
All Washed Up

One day I wrote her name upon the strand.
She said, “You poets! Where’s the wedding band?”

10.
No Eden

There is a garden in her face:
Weedy, ugly, a disgrace.

11.
Love’s Limits

For God’s sake hold your tongue, and let me love:
Your cries will wake the neighbors up above!

12.
Micro Milton

Of man’s first disobedience, and the fruit
Devoured by Eve, the Serpent’s first recruit.

13.
Frost’s Fear

I found a dimpled spider, fat and white:
Did God create this creature out of spite?

14.
An Unearned Ode

Thou still unravished bride of quietness,
Unrivalled tattooed urn, will you undress?

15.
Cool Snowman

One must have a mind of winter
And a heart of spring to win her.

16.
Grave Directions

Go to the western gate, Luke Havergal,
Turn right, then left, and you will have your gal.

17.
It’s the Contrast, Stupid!

A thing of beauty is a joy forever,
But mortal ugliness must be its father.

18.
The Arts of Parts

Today we have naming of parts. Yesterday,
We had the WMDs as parts of a play.

19.
The Perfect Disguise

I wandered lonely as a cloud,
Then passed my water on a crowd.


20.-26.
Down and Dirty

A narrow Fellow in the Grass
Exposed his slim—seductive—Ass.

I’m nobody! Who are you?
“I’m somebody. Wanna screw?”

Crumbling is not an instant’s Act—
Please be patient. Use—some—Tact!

I taste a liquor never brewed—
Inebriate of air—I’m Nude!

There is a certain slant of light
To guide you left. Now—to the—Right!

I heard a Fly buzz—when I died—
Le petit mort—oh—what—a—Ride!

Wild Nights! Wild Nights!
Turn out the Lights!

1. Robert Browning
2. Dylan Thomas
3. W. B. Yeats
4. Philip Larkin
5. Gerard Manly Hopkins
6. E. A. Robinson
7. Robert Frost
8. Robert Frost
9. Edmund Spenser
10. Thomas Campion
11. John Donne
12. John Milton
13. Robert Frost
14. John Keats
15. Wallace Stevens
16. E. A. Robinson
17. John Keats
18. Henry Reed
19. William Wordsworth
20. – 26. Emily Dickinson