John, yours is great, but Bob's right, it doesn't express its views on its owners so much as wax philosophical on its heavy load in life. Maybe you could alter it a bit so as to fit the bill. It would be a pity to flush this one down the tubes.

For us (and I think I speak for my compatriots) 'toilet' is the seat but 'bathroom' is the room (e.g. you s(h)it on the toilet, but you go to the bathroom) although many other euphemisms come to mind: restroom, washroom (more popular in Canada), comfort station. Lavatory is used, though less frequently. I've even heard 'powder room' though I think that's a relic of a past generation. We do understand loo, BTW. I've even been known to use it now and then, when I'm trying to sound high-falutin'. Fascinating topic. (In college I was a scatology major.)

Bob, I love the uneasy chair!

Thank you, Jim, but I fear Roger may be right. Hum!
Jayne - quite a long time, up to a month. You can always ring up and get some daft posh girl who knows sweet F.A. But it will come.

Roger, nice one!

Double UC

I'm your double UC, see?
Short for water closet,
near rhyme, faucet.
Feel free, do, sit.

Aye! Take a seat
any time you like,
take a pew,
make your will

(give some the chance,
they will, they will).
I see the side of you
that few see, I get

comfy with your, er, end.
Moon me at any
time you've
a need, friend!

Christopher T. George ;)

Hi, ChrisG. Haven't seen you online for ages. Welcome back!

WALLET

In your pocket,
near your groin,
sharing space
with key and coin,
made to clutch
your cards and cash,
if only I
had teeth to gnash!
You pat me,
making sure I'm there,
but it's not like
you really care.
You barely reach
for me all day . . .
except when there
are bills to pay.

Nancy Mitford was amused by the American euphemism "going to the bathroom" as if one meant to take a shower. Does anyone still call
it the W.C?

I'm more amused by the expression "going to the bathroom in your pants," frequently applied to young children. Sort of like "going to bed in the backseat of a car."

Transparent

Your vision is a blur, it's true
you raise one finger and see two,
when neighbours' kids call you Magoo;
before you find your specs.

The one-eyed king supplanted then,
it’s you’re the boss, in charge again,
though careful she’s not looking when
you ogle the other sex.

And in your job you can by dint
of luck, a neck as hard as flint,
and mastery of finer print,
command a penthouse view.

You have an eye, there is no doubt,
for earning money, wielding clout.
You see through me perched on your snout;
and I see right through you.

John - when I excused myself in that exclusive venue in Canterbury, I told you I was going to the bog - but the thing I sat down on when I got there was a pedestal.

That's what you'd ask for if you were buying one from a plumber's merchant, anyway.

"She sat, bare-arsed, upon a pedestal" has a touch of class about it, doncherfink?

Curiously WC survives in Italy - or at least the term "water closet" does, always abbreviated to "il water", pronounced "vattair".

They also call it, as in most other languages I'd guess, "il bagno" (bathroom) and, rather charmingly, "il gabinetto". More vulgar is "il cesso", as in cesspit.