Martin, I find I'm trying to sing it to "Galway Bay" (not quite succeeding, but it's an amusing idea).

I wrong-footed one line metrically at first reading. Would you consider italics on "so" in this line, to help a reader out a bit?

But they’re so hard to get into that I really can’t begin to

Enjoyed.

John, Thanks for that. I have tweaked it a bit and may well submit it to La Belle Castro. It will be my first serious crack at impressing her in years, though I did once win her whisky with a sonnet on IVF. I doubt if my friends would offer such profuse thanks for a cup of tea, though -- or have to spend the night in our spare room afterwards!
Do you know who La Castro is and what her credentials are for the job? Should we be seeking the key to her psyche by reading her "Collected Works", or is she the "cartoonist" Castro who adds captions to old film and advertisement pics?

Maryann, I see what you mean about Danny Boy. So (!) near and yet .... You will see that I was so impressed with your suggestion about italics that I have now used it twice -- or more!

The Use of Biscuits

Long ago, in Her Majesty’s Navy,
Their purpose was perfectly clear.
A pound of ship’s biscuit was every hand’s ration,
Dipped in a gallon of beer.

That sawdusty hardtack sustained them
And battened the hatch in a squall.
But now the great glory of biscuits is having
No practical uses at all.

Some argue they’re good for digestion;
Such folk are deluded or coy.
Bickies as health food? The very suggestion!
Their use is pure pleasure and joy.

Like poems, they comfort and cheer us;
Without them, no teatime’s complete.
O rich tea and ginger nut, oatmeal and chocolate—
You make our life savoury and sweet!

The Use of Biscuits

You ask what's the use of a biscuit?
Well, eating ranks high on my list.
And eating, for me, is important.
I eat, and therefore I exist.

When everything else can be doubted,
and thinking itself is a dream,
a biscuit alone can convince me
I am and I do not just seem.

Transatlantic Usage

When we say biscuit, we don't really mean it.
We bake it once and eat it steaming hot
with butter, honey, jelly, jam or gravy.
A packaged biscuit wouldn't hit the mark.

What you call biscuits, we call cookies, crackers,
or maybe we have don't even have a name
for things you like, but which strike us as foreign,
which may be soggy, dry, or in between.

Our common tongue divides us on this theme;
come visit, and we'll feed you what we mean.

Nope, Martin. I don't know who Tessa Castro is. There's one on Facebook but she appears to be twenty years old. Ingrams in a dress?

"What is the use of biscuits, pray?"
An Oldie contest asks us all.
To which I answer, "Fame and pay
For such as Fearnley-Whittingstall!"


http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandsty...-whittingstall

John, Not a happy thought! From now on I may only read The Oldie while wearing Marigolds.

Some great poems here. I've been dealing with some stuff that has kept me from writing or posting for a while, hope you don't mind me jumping right in.

The Uses of Biscuits


I use them to ruin the diets
of skinny young bitches at work,
and bribe my fat boss, who adores me.
His naiveté is a perk!
When flying I toss them to kiddies
to stop the brats’ whining and fits.
The round ones make excellent pasties,
( the kind that you put on your tits)
although my man is diabetic
and calls me a tease, it’s okay
because he is also bulimic,
he has biscuits and sex twice a day.

Ah biscuits, young and at our ease
We scoff you as and when we please;
You're harmless fancies to indulge
Without a thought for spot or bulge.

But, older now, not quite so thin,
We drop you in the refuse bin
And swear back on the road we’ll start
To slender form and healthy heart.

And that’s your use, to cover both
Excess of food and simple sloth;
These cause opprobrium and shame -
So, biscuits, you must take the blame.