John, they're everywhere. You mean to tell me that you have never seen one being used by someone near you on an airplane or bus? I think you want to know. They really are remarkable.

Bazza, leaving aside the gay/straight issue, one might ask why don't single women leave their boyfriends for an iPad?

The rubric for this comp does seem to incorporate some it-gives-one-furiously-to-wonder assumptions.

An online poll has discovered that around 11 per cent of single men would rather have the new iPad 3 than a love interest in their life. And about 3 per cent claimed they would actually leave their current partner if offered a new iPad 3 tablet. The women polled preferred the opposite, with 84 per cent choosing a new male partner over the new iPad tablet from Apple. According to www.freeipad3s.com: “For a lot of people, [the new iPad 3] is the ultimate tablet. This new Apple product tablet has come with a wide variety of multiple functions,” the website continues. We want letters/emails from a man from this 11 per cent explaining to a woman why he is not/no longer interested in her.

Although this version of the reported poll results specifically says that women would rather have a "male partner" than an iPad (lesbians were not canvassed for their opinions?), it talks about whether men would prefer the device to a "love interest" or a "partner," without specifying gender. However, the final sentence of the rubric treats "this 11 percent" as exclusively heterosexual. (If you'd rather have an electronic device than a flesh-and-blood lover, it would probably be more accurate to call you a technosexual. Or has somebody already coined some other word for that predilection?)

Alas, I can remember the days when the ultimate tablet was a bit of blotting paper.

Acid Trip

Willow bark, willow bite
First drug I’ve done tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
Muddle through another night

Ye tiny clots, cumulative contusions
That block the pathways and create confusions
Become as dust dispersing in a river
My willow wand shall banish thee forever.

Strip the willow, set it going
Hold the rhythm, keep it flowing
Ease the valves that stop and start
The secret chambers of my heart

Sing a song of sunshine
Boozy bottoms up
Five and seventy milligrams
Swirling in a cup
When the stuff is swallowed
The traffic starts to flow
And all the little corpuscles
Go marching in a row!

Acid trip, acid trip
Take another little nip
Wish I may, wish I might
Wish again tomorrow night.


Note: the acid involved here is not Lysergic acid diethylamide
but Acetylsalicylic acid. Sorry.

Now that I've thought about it, I agree that the New Statesman should have allowed for the possibility that gay people would prefer an iPad to a lover no less than straight people.

I wonder what possessed the poll takers even to ask the question? Have there been many cases of men caught cheating with an iPad?

Anyway, maybe what possessed them was posts like this one:

http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=1347853

Chris, I beg to differ. As I pointed out to Basil on the previous page, the competition subject says:

We want letters/emails from a man from this 11 per cent explaining to a woman why he is not/no longer interested in her.

Being gay would clearly be a reason why he is not interested in a woman, so I don't think that the subject concerns exclusively heterosexuals.

Well, Roger, since I don't know what it is I wouldn't know. It's different from a blackberry, is it?

I thought you didn't want to know?

You don't have to watch the whole thing, but you can see what it is in this promotional video (which does indeed represent the product fairly):

http://www.apple.com/ipad/#video

Well, I didn't, but then I reconsidered.

John,

We're all turning into bi-nary burps and farts. Flee while you can!

John,

If it's any comfort;

I only "savvy" what an iPad is
Because a friend of mine once showed me his.

As for "apps", I keep seeing advertisements on French television claiming that iPhones have an "app" for this, an "app" for that ... I think I've finally worked out that they're "thingys".