Could you make it into a villanette?

Marion, I think it might be OK to count Bush as a "contemporary politician." The definition of that term is admittedly a bit fuzzy around the edges. But if Tony Blair and John Prescott fit the profile, even though neither of them holds elective office at the moment, then W might also fit.

(Perhaps my information on Prescott is out of date. He's got a seat in the House of Lords, but isn't he now, or hasn't he recently been, a candidate for something else?)

In the interest of bi-partisanship:


Oh Gee! Oh Me! I've made it to the top!
(I saved my special kiss for Camera Two.)
It's true: they need me. (May they never stop!)
So, here am I, all dewy in the loo.

I'll win! I'll shine! With fair unblemished skin
I'll slice our taxes like a bearded Jew.
I'll crack Barack (since I've never known a sin)
Just see my teeth--that's all you have to do.

I procreated like a crazy man
and now my sons--they chatter like me too.
After a Romney quarter century span
The Times can kiss the backside of a gnu.

Now if I can just unlock this thing...
I'll bet the lock's Chinese, some sneaky Woo.
They're sabotaging me! I'm George, The King!
I won't get down and crawl through common poo!

Prescott wants to be a local Police Chief. Blair wants to be President of Europe. Why not? Fit him like a glove I'd say.

And here's Michael Gove. Note to furriners. He is just as I describe.

I'm Gove

I'm Gove and I'm bright as a button.
I'm Gove and I'm Scotch as the drink.
With a swing of my kilt I can prove to the hilt
Whatever I want you to think.

I'm Gove and I'm loud as the thunder.
I'm Gove and a cabinet star.
Though some say that Gove is a rum sort of cove,
I'm the fellow who wins the cigar.

I'm Gove and I'm right as a trivet.
I'm Gove and I go with the flow.
I'm abreast with what's what, I'm one hell of a swot
And there' s nothing at all I don't know.

I'm Gove and I'm happy as Larry.
I'm Gove and I'm clever as clever.
Why, my pants are so smarty, the whole Tory Party
Will make me their leader for ever.

In the interests of balance, Gove has a laugh like a sea-lion.

Darn it, mine's several million lines too long:

The King Gove Bible

1 In the beginning Gove created the heaven and the earth.
2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of Gove moved upon the face of the waters.
3 And Gove said, Let there be light: and there was light.
4 And Gove saw the light, that it was good: and Gove divided the light from the darkness. etc etc

Michael Gove

My poem is too new to be a classic,
Though its author is a male, white and rich,
But if I appoint some right wing geriatrics
It should make the syllabus without a hitch.

My poem is traditional, if modern,
Containing Latin tags and thees and thous
And all the other guff that's been forgotten
In a bid to make poems relevant to now.

My poem will just suit a chap at Eton,
He'll get the references or crib them from a chum.
It'll leave the comprehensive oiks well beaten
So let Gove become a classic, bang the drum!

Vince Cable

A business question needs an answer?
Consult this consummate old dancer -
But, if you really want the figures,
No miked-up hacks, or dirty diggers,
Or claims you caught me sticking needles
In models of the Barclay tweedles!

Nor, though the Bird is far from perky
And in the polls appears a turkey,
Sly hints that ultimate survival
Demands I stand as open rival
To coalition curate's eggery,
That toxic orange cocktail, Cleggery!

.

Where are my fellow Americans? Pony up here, Marion and Bob, Chris et alii. Let all your vitriol out in numbers.