There was a boy, I knew him well,
Ye daughters of Delilah.
His hair was the thickest in all the dell
And long as the river Nile-a.

His hair grew furtive and fast and free,
Snatched up a tender bride
And bore her away for a century
Where the hirsute gods abide.

There they drank nectar and hoar-frost tea
And she combed his curls in a dream
And no one asked what became of the she
Whose locks were as rich as cream.

Thank you, Brian. If Suetonius is pronounced as you say, then I must make the emendation. It is. You are right. I have the opportunity to introduce the boy Caesar. Do you think that sounds better? Suetonius is obviously hinting that Octavian, like his father, was bisexual. Perhaps ALL Romans were bisexual except the VERY proper ones. Perhaps... No, I'd better not press on. Americans think all Englishmen are gay really. And Frenchmen also, come to that. Is it our accents? It can't be mine. I sound like a cockney taxi driver.

As for the other, there is a comma missing. I must put it back. What IS the Eliot quote? Do I have to look it up? I do.

But in the lamplight downed with light brown hair.

Lord, what a poem. He never did better, did he? He did more, but never better.

And thank you for making my poem better.

Yes - that's a cracker, John.

Lance - I think yours would be enlivened by emphasis on the oldy-ballady element that creeps in with Nile-a. (That took me jogging on Shakespeare's foot-path way and henting the occasional stile-a.)

I wonder about bride-o and abide-o? And dare you go with dream-um and cream-um, or can anyone else who thinks we're onto a good idea come up with a better repetend?

Thank you, Ann. And may I say, Lance, that I like yours.

Thanks, John and Ann. Ann, I'll give her her a think. I do love the old ballads.

Withdrawn for further reflection

John, I think I preferred "Roman boys", partly for the scansion, and partly because the reader (ignorant fool though he may be) may not know which Caesar is being referred to - not that it matters, bunch of pooftahs the lot of them.

And don't think that your accent renders you above suspicion. There are plenty of gay cockney taxi drivers.

I think you are right re 'Roman boys', Brian, and have altered it accordingly. Those hot walnut shells must have been very painful. What people will go through to stay young and beautiful. Re taxi drivers, probably.

A hair-raising adventure
 

It is hunting season now, and I can hear shots ringing out in the surrounding hills (even though this is not grizzly bear country) ...

Upon the grizzly’s heart, you train the crosshairs of your scope.
It’s the last day of the season, and this is your final hope;
The elevation, windage, and the range you quickly figure.
With bated breath, you deftly squeeze your Weatherby’s hair trigger.

Although the blast resembles that of cannon made by Krupp,
The bruin isn’t wounded, but he is a bit haired up,
And ambles to take cover in his stony mountain lair.
You ruefully acknowledge that you missed him by a hair.

That night, your barroom buddies all agree you are the best
At drinking up the fluids that grow hair upon one’s chest.
With dawning of the morning, just beyond that night before
You lie with bearded visage resting on the barroom floor.

There you repose, quite comatose; and as you lie in situ
You sip, to cure your pounding head, hair of the dog that bit you.
The lunchtime crowd steps over you, a listless groaning mass;
And says “That wasted hunter has a hair across his ass”.

Can anyone tell me if "wasted", in the sense of being heavily under the influence of alcohol or drugs, is used in the UK?

It surely is.