Many thanks to Rachael for clearing up a question that has puzzled me for several years.

Ah, Rachael - seemingly endless possibilities for both chaos and mischief. I must admit that rather appeals to me.

Michael - just dinner?

Spindly-one - I have two copies of that last edition of News of the Screws (as we used to call it). I shall hang onto them. They stand more chance of keeping me in my approaching dotage than the Newport book.

Charlotte - control your passion until the thing sells; then we'll celebrate.

But nobody has asked how I stumbled upon this. I will confess. Googling oneself is a sort of gratifying self-abuse; searching for oneself on eBay is the antidote, the confessional, the forfeit, the retribution. It is (usually) like applying a cilice to the ambition and tightening it a notch with every nudge of the scroll-button. Ninety-nine-pee - et in Arcadia eBay.

But I will find the truth of it. I am in correspondence with a nice young Irishman called Brendan. It is he who holds the clue...

Do you see how this is evolving into a Dan Brown novel?

Ah - now there's a commercial idea, Ann. A spoof Dan Brown novel. If you only sold to those who laugh at his nonsense and puffed up reputation, you'd still make an immodest fortune - and you have just the turn of wit to pull it off delightfully. Even better - you would also probably sell to a large chunk of his readership who'd take it seriously! Go on - go for it!

Sorry, Ann. Only dinner.

I've been off the market since the Nixon Administration...