Charlie, I think you and I are going head-to-head on this one. (or do I mean ass to arse?)

First time in the Country

First time I stayed with Gran in Steeple Bumpstead
she introduced me to her outdoor privy.
Here was the antidote to playground toilets.
Low porcelain, long chains, Now Wash Your Hands
and cold, unyielding tracing-paper wipes
gave place to a rickety bucket with a lid
in a tin shed at the top of a cottage garden,
newspaper squares threaded on hairy string.

My urgent expedition that first morning
was a damp-slippered trek through dewy daisies
to sit enthroned in solitary splendour,
the door propped open with a mossy brick,
seeing the sun poke slowly through a reedbed
to fondle the ginger cat under the asters;
hearing the hot trickle rumble into the bucket
to an improvised accompaniment of larks.

Well Annie, yours is more elegant for sure. My grandmother elegantly milked the cows while I watched her. She could spray the cats from at least ten feet away and never miss a stroke.

Later in life I learned to do that cat-thing with both cow and goats. Thinking about it, the sound of milk-bucket and privy-bucket were very similar.

Not being very familiar with these comps and the judges, is "shit" appropriate or do they look down(no pun intended) on it and prefer "shite."
I would rather use the former than the latter for the alliteration of those 2 last lines.

A usage that's seldom got right
Is when to say shit and when shite
And many a chap
Will end up with crap,
Which is vulgar, evasive and trite.

Robert Conquest

Use the one you prefer. I never did know the difference.

John, more to the point. Have you or Do you know anyone who has won a comp here with shit? And no, I'm not being rhetorical.

In my time I have won competitions with 'shit', 'balls' and at least one 'fuck' Charlie.

Yes, my mother is proud.

And quite often some competitions are won by, rather than with, shit. Though not by any of us, of course!

Important Distinctions (in agreement with Martin)

How much used shit that won the shit?
Who knows? Some used and won jack shit!
Some used shit and won all of it!
Some used to or once won by shit,
In which case ours was none of it!

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