I am very fond of this one, and really don't mind the "alas"--but then, I say "alas" fairly often in conversation. (Admittedly, I'm a bit melodramatic.)

I still want to rewrite L13 a bit to make the meter conform to how I want to say that line--I don't like being forced to say "what HE should BE"--but I can live with the way the author's done it without grumbling too much. I'll just whine a brief "alas" about it.

Thanks, Bob, my mascara is all smudged, I laughed so much! Humour is a relative thing, but I found both of those clips hilarious.

I do think the Top Secret DG is American; I'm getting that feeling from this: this homage to Desi Amaz makes me feel like I am missing out on essential American mythology.

Surely only an American would feel that any American mythology is essential? And as for "Amaz/Arnaz", in print "arn" looks almost identical to "am".

(That reminds me of a boyfriend I had in my teens, who wrote a letter to me which included a reference to his friend "Clint'; in his handwriting the li looked exactly like a u so I thought he'd written ''Cunt"! :eek:)

Alas is a word I sometimes use, like Julie, yet she's years younger than I am! I don't see it as anachronistic at all, in fact I like it in ''you-know-who's'' poem here ;)

Jayne

Outside of the list sonnet, I have not enjoyed the selections thus far. The only thing I could gripe about last year was in the choice of first, second, etc., but this year, we've had this one list sonnet and others that are really listless.

Not this one. Reading it brought back to mind so many scenes from the show, and as the DG observes, the poem contrasts the real life Desi with the on-screen Desi we all learned to love.

Alas, I can see why most folks are nitpicking, because the errant word sticks out from the crowd and seems to take a life of its own. But I like it, because it also gives the sonnet the turn it needs. Not sure if we would feel the contrast without it.

Like the sonnet very much.

Oh, Jayne, Jayne, you stab my parochial heart. I'll have to console myself by baking an apple pie.

Ohhh, Julie, I hope my remark hasn't been misconstrued! It's just that the quote sounds - to me - what an American would say. I'll be way off the mark if our TSDG turns out to be not American. I was beginning to make guesses as to his/her identity . . . (But no, I can't shift from my original thought, sorry.)

Speaking of consoling oneself, I've lost my car keys and have searched the entire house ninety three times!!!!!! I'm going to console myself with some Sticky Toffee Pudding.

Jayne

Hi Jayne

A gentleman never tells but . . . have you looked in your dressing gown pocket!

Dave

Alas, Jayne, I was just being melodramatic again. (Although apple pie is still the best idea I've had today.) Good luck finding your car keys. And now let's return this thread to the poem!

I like this poem a lot, and I remember it from when it was workshopped. I feel that both "alas" and "mise-en-scene" stick out as being in a different register from the rest of the poem, so if anything could still be improved, it would be finding words that fit better with the rest. And I say that as someone who also uses "alas" occasionally in conversation, so I have nothing against the word in itself.

Susan

Yes, sorry for the distraction from the poem . . .

. . . but I'm utterly distracted by the loss of my keys :(
(Dave, my dressing gown pocket was last time I lost them. I can't believe I've done it again, but it's much more desperate now, because they've vanished without trace this time.)

Back to the poem: I like it and its author very much.

Jayne

There are flaws in all of the sonnets so far, and some I like better than others. This one is okay, with some stilted language for the sake of rhyme: e.g., "by laughter turning up where it should not." It seems this poem was previously workshopped on Eratosphere, as well as other entries, and I think someone has already announced their identity. I'm still wondering why Eratosphere-workshopped poems, already familiar to certain members, are allowed in an anonymous contest. Does anyone else think this is a concern?